I hear you Rainwatch…I can’t help but think of suicide at least once or twice a day going about my daily life….like driving around or at the grocery store.
I haven’t taken it seriously because I have people I care about (mostly family). While I don’t see my friends as much as I used to…I hung out recently and it just reminded me how my friends make me feel appreciated and ‘normal.’
Life/ego are fragile things…when things are on the up and up, you want to do things that make you happy every day…you have a love for life and it’s the total opposite when every day is shit.
Luckily for me I created some stability for myself and that’s largely financial…having an ok, low-stress job and family situation. I just have to move and all the pieces will fall into place for me (assuming the next place is much better).
But I’m so far from where I should’ve been in life…and I let so many good things slip through my fingers over the past few decades, that they almost feel like a dream or someone else’s life and I know I might never experience those things again.
That’s really the main reason I’m not so keen in continuing to live…I’ve “seen everything” done almost everything I’ve wanted apart from a few key goals…but otherwise I don’t care to be around anymore.
Hastening my own deth seems like a chore in itself, like going to work or just doing other stupid shiit in life that we don’t want to do. My biggest worry-we have Maid in Canada-is having the procedure botched in any way.
I’ve heard for some people it took them 24 hours to diie. That’s the last thing I want, but I have some faith that like most people who take airplane rides that my “journey” will be mostly trouble-free.
My elderly mom is getting older and probably won’t be around for too much longer…that’s really the anchor keeping me here (mostly)….if she’s gone and I can’t live with family (don’t even want to tbh)…I’ll be more isolated than ever and feel even more driven to finally ‘bow out.’
I don’t know what keeps other people going…I know there are some in much worse situations than me but still stay around.
Anyways, I’m just living in the moment and in this moment, things are ‘fine.’ And hopefully if get a chance to work on my “side-hustle” and if it succeeds it could change everything for me. I really hope it happens because I do want to experience what it’d be like to be on the “other/good side” at least for a few years, before I take my leave of this world.
Same bro. I could not impose my suicide on my mother. For me the sheen of life started to dissipate once I hit about 30, in my opinion life is overrated, but I would say that anyway as a depressive. Your case seems to be more circumstantial in my opinion than depressive based. I’d like to see you with a partner, I don’t want you missing out on that facet of life, speaking of that topic, I have a nice little beauty lined up for tonight! Talk again bud.
I hear you brother, thanks likewise…I’ve been a total fool in perhaps what is the second most important thing in life. I’d say first/most important, but if a man has no money then good luck getting any woman of worth or any at all.
Indeed-all I’ve known is struggle and never having enough money…and even when I had money to meet all my needs, it then wasn’t enough to get to the next tier in life, the one where most people want to be and thrive in.
Our situations seem fairly similar and I’m glad for you that you have a special lady in your life. Likewise for me, life seemed to lose all value by my 30s as well…even prior to that, when I knew I was in a poor family, I knew it’d be shit, to struggle to get out of it.
It’s the ‘good things’ in life like girls, starting a business, books, etc…that keep me going. Anyways hopefully both of us are about to achieve our goals and not have to “exit” but at this point I’m not too enamoured by living.
I’ve given myself till my early 60s to improve my situation-otherwise that will be the real end for me, unless my life takes a drastic turn for the worse sooner than that….everything I went through, esp. the suffering was not worth it at all.
additional, ofc if I do happen to succeed then I’ll live till my 70s maybe 80s until I feel I’m declining drastically…Maid is a godsend for us and I believe it should be universal.
4 comments
I hear you Rainwatch…I can’t help but think of suicide at least once or twice a day going about my daily life….like driving around or at the grocery store.
I haven’t taken it seriously because I have people I care about (mostly family). While I don’t see my friends as much as I used to…I hung out recently and it just reminded me how my friends make me feel appreciated and ‘normal.’
Life/ego are fragile things…when things are on the up and up, you want to do things that make you happy every day…you have a love for life and it’s the total opposite when every day is shit.
Luckily for me I created some stability for myself and that’s largely financial…having an ok, low-stress job and family situation. I just have to move and all the pieces will fall into place for me (assuming the next place is much better).
But I’m so far from where I should’ve been in life…and I let so many good things slip through my fingers over the past few decades, that they almost feel like a dream or someone else’s life and I know I might never experience those things again.
That’s really the main reason I’m not so keen in continuing to live…I’ve “seen everything” done almost everything I’ve wanted apart from a few key goals…but otherwise I don’t care to be around anymore.
Hastening my own deth seems like a chore in itself, like going to work or just doing other stupid shiit in life that we don’t want to do. My biggest worry-we have Maid in Canada-is having the procedure botched in any way.
I’ve heard for some people it took them 24 hours to diie. That’s the last thing I want, but I have some faith that like most people who take airplane rides that my “journey” will be mostly trouble-free.
My elderly mom is getting older and probably won’t be around for too much longer…that’s really the anchor keeping me here (mostly)….if she’s gone and I can’t live with family (don’t even want to tbh)…I’ll be more isolated than ever and feel even more driven to finally ‘bow out.’
I don’t know what keeps other people going…I know there are some in much worse situations than me but still stay around.
Anyways, I’m just living in the moment and in this moment, things are ‘fine.’ And hopefully if get a chance to work on my “side-hustle” and if it succeeds it could change everything for me. I really hope it happens because I do want to experience what it’d be like to be on the “other/good side” at least for a few years, before I take my leave of this world.
Same bro. I could not impose my suicide on my mother. For me the sheen of life started to dissipate once I hit about 30, in my opinion life is overrated, but I would say that anyway as a depressive. Your case seems to be more circumstantial in my opinion than depressive based. I’d like to see you with a partner, I don’t want you missing out on that facet of life, speaking of that topic, I have a nice little beauty lined up for tonight! Talk again bud.
I hear you brother, thanks likewise…I’ve been a total fool in perhaps what is the second most important thing in life. I’d say first/most important, but if a man has no money then good luck getting any woman of worth or any at all.
Indeed-all I’ve known is struggle and never having enough money…and even when I had money to meet all my needs, it then wasn’t enough to get to the next tier in life, the one where most people want to be and thrive in.
Our situations seem fairly similar and I’m glad for you that you have a special lady in your life. Likewise for me, life seemed to lose all value by my 30s as well…even prior to that, when I knew I was in a poor family, I knew it’d be shit, to struggle to get out of it.
It’s the ‘good things’ in life like girls, starting a business, books, etc…that keep me going. Anyways hopefully both of us are about to achieve our goals and not have to “exit” but at this point I’m not too enamoured by living.
I’ve given myself till my early 60s to improve my situation-otherwise that will be the real end for me, unless my life takes a drastic turn for the worse sooner than that….everything I went through, esp. the suffering was not worth it at all.
*able to, not about
additional, ofc if I do happen to succeed then I’ll live till my 70s maybe 80s until I feel I’m declining drastically…Maid is a godsend for us and I believe it should be universal.