Growing up, I went through a lot of shit. And it didnt occur to me until I was an adult and my life was shit that other people had planned out and created a life for thenselves. Like, actively. They said, “I want to be fit,” so the exercised. They said, “I want to be [career]”, and they went to college. I was so busy coping with difficult things on my own that I completely missed this. I didnt plan, nor did I have a concept of planning a life for myself at all. I didnt have goals, and didnt aim for any achievements.
So, how to unfuck myself? There are some areas where maybe, i cant. But I can make the most of what I have.
My goals:
– Apply for a legal name change
– get coverups for my shitty tattoos
– Exercise, Eat Healthier, Lose Weight
– Be dilligent and take college and learning spanish seriously
– Make sobriety a priority
– Invest in my appearance and buy clothes nicer than sweatpants and band t shirts
– Make friends by being a friend to those who dont have any.
– Save up money for a car, wherever possible.
All of this is predicated upon building self discipline and taking even the smallest of my choices more seriously. Over the long run, your small choices have big consequences.
My life looks like shit, but Im still alive. Im still here, and I still have some time. Kinda makes more sense to try to unfuck myself first before giving up or falling into the abyss of an alcohol/drug habit.
Damn dude. It hurts. I wish I had realized these things sooner. But…hell. what have I got to lose, really?
4 comments
That’s a solid plan dude. I could stand to follow a few of those steps myself. And you’ve got the right attitude, plain & simple: “hell. what have I got to lose, really?”
I can only assume that your incomplete upbringing was the fault of your parents in some way. If so, I can relate. When no one teaches you how life works, not even the basic outline, you end up drifting until you can figure it out on your own. I had really weak parents who never knew, much less taught me, the value of working & fighting toward a goal. So much like you described, I just passively went with the flow. Guess where that usually leads? A swamp.
It’s tough shedding the resentment I feel, but it serves no good and it just increases my poisonous feelings inside. This leads to self loathing and the inevitable self destruction. The key is to tap into a forward thing attitude like you’re describing. Fuck the past. Fuck all the wasted time and missed opportunities, just start over right now.
Yeah, I can relate to that, I have so much resentment. It is an anchor to progress, not taking responsibility for your own shortcomings and upbringing. Being conscious about it and still not trying much to make it better is probably a lot more painful. Or progressing and not acknowledging the progress.
It sucks.
But you’re right, one has to try and see what did work, and what one have. It’s a damn torture to try to do so but, only way out of this insanity I guess. Why cowards like me have almost everything and still feel like a victim, and other people in third world country with barely anything feels happy? It’s kind of ridiculous, isn’t it, when you use your logic and rationality and see how crazy one is.
Hope it’ll pass, eventually
You’ve got to do what you can, right? One foot in front of the other, progress is going to come if you focus on it.
Just make sure that self care is a part of it. I know that you want to push push push on all of these external goals and these are good things, but love yourself, love your wife, tend your supports. Get a dog maybe. Or develop a hobby that makes you feel good.
You’ve got to replace drinking with something else that boosts your mood. Right now for me it’s watching movies and playing video games, and really recently I get to do that with my wife and best friend. I mean, I don’t drink, but I had to replace the THC.
Car wise, I wonder what your strategy is; payments or save up for a junker and fix it up. I’ve always bought junkers and fix them up, but that’s the resources I had, I know that’s not everyone. My wife wants to buy a nice car and do payments. Not a new car, just one without mechanical problems like I tend to buy.
Anyway, if you need tips on the junker to functional car process I can provide tips, usually I have been able to lay down a few thousand for a car that maybe just runs and then get it to the shop and get it running well enough that I can put in a few parts at a time, ship of thesius style. I used my distribution from college the last time I did it.
Funny enough, if you go on Amazon, there’s several books titled “How to Unf*ck Yourself.” Maybe one of them is worth a read.