Death can be so sudden sometimes. Still remember a summer two years ago due to someone who was quite important in another community just suddenly kicking the bucket at a rather young age, in their 20s or so, intentionally it seemed. Now, having it pop up in my mind, I look at all the posts a second time. I couldn’t have seen it coming from those necessarily alike how, for many other events in life that aren’t death related, in terms of interactions, we also can’t really see such stuff coming at least in a way that would be “guaranteed”, there’s a lot of stuff outside our field of vision. But that doesn’t change the fact that it happened it seems.
I’d think I’m a bit more different in comparison to the time in which I was hearing that sort of news, although I haven’t done much intentional work on myself at all so it’s certainly a small extent. I still think about it. That characterized my time period and point of involvement quite a bunch with someone who, as far as I could tell, was especially talented and had quite the amount of taste for things, did something drastic like that. The roll of the dice to get to this sort of timeline, really, if there were branching ways then the possibilities seem nearly infinite, for better or worse. And strangely enough for your own life, it may seem like it can only go one way, and in terms of overall trajectory for many that stands as the case. Not sure how they get it together there. It’s likely a case of things that aren’t contradictory, rather just many, many different parts interlocking with each other. When the quantity is high like that, of course the way to tell everything apart is going to be differentiation, and what comes to sight at first glance is of course going to be what seemingly looks like “opposites” but really aren’t such. To some extent at most, it’s more compatible than I’d think. They possibly only had things going “good” for them in the eyes of others such as myself.
To think I’d turn out older than that person is somehow scary when they were older than me at the time. Reminds me of the selling point of a certain book I’d have yet to read, The Unfortunates by B.S. Johnson? Heard about it in this two year old video I only watched recently even though I’ve had an interest in such things way beforehand here: https://youtu.be/tKX90LbnYd4?si=MxLDHCUm0NaESG0K&t=2148
Either way, hope everyone is at least getting to better places than the person mentioned, I really wish I knew what was going on with them to some extent, not out of morbid curiosity but just understanding how someone with such a good mind would resort to such lengths. Although it doesn’t matter what sort of mind you have for the most part, you can see it everywhere regardless. It’s also, of course, even to the smallest amount, a loss to me, I feel a bit better each time I see people like them still kicking, and most that I know of in relation to them are, they just went out “early”. It’s probably better that they stayed true to themselves in that sense, although that could be a mischaracterization of their own hardships and their responses to such under pressure as necessarily “themselves” or what they intended in terms of their actions, this is a touchy topic and any amount of statements that don’t leave much room for interpretation are probably more harmful than good in that sense. I still wish they were around though. This doesn’t feel right, especially when you get so accustomed to their presence and them being alive otherwise. I guess that’s why other incidents didn’t necessarily hit me as hard?
Yeah, that’s the one thing about it all if I could point it out: it doesn’t feel right. Things that happen, in hindsight, have a 100% chance of happening as they say, but nonetheless, for all the things I knew about them, it certainly feels like something is missing.