Same here, the shame is crushing, and doesn’t help with trying to make things better for sure. I think my mom drilled that shame into me, then society sure solidified the concept much further. I am not sure how to reverse that tendency, even with mental health professional, which didn’t help at all.
I’m going to challenge you because I’m trying to challenge the same thought in myself; A. all humans are selfish, to be selfish is to survive. There’s only so much you can ignore your own wants and desires, the inner child demands feeding, care, and attention. It’s essential for basic function. You can’t work all your waking hours for the benefit of others, I’m in a caring profession, even if it is for the best reasons, you can’t be entirely selfless.
Second; everyone needs help sometimes, needs others to give to them, but everyone gives help sometimes. So no person is a true parasite. We all matter to someone, baffling as it is to those of us deeply depressed who feel we matter not at all. The time will come again when you’ll be reminded why you matter, I believe that, if you can make it to that time again, that time will come. Nothing lasts…. not good times, not bad times.
The temporal nature of things at the same time the most horrible and best thing about our world.
That is very true, puzzling how good people like you end up on this site.
For being a parasite, well, I guess it’s a spectrum. In my case, I worked maybe 15 years in my life, on and off, which isn’t much compared to average. Many “careers”. With a lot of years doing nothing and I guess mooching off society, cause we have a lot of services here. Not like I steal, or got benefits illegally tho, but still. Idk, think I absorbed my mom narcissism, and I am just selfish overall. A man child. I really don’t know how to feed and care for my own inner child I guess, except with addictions. Probably missed a lot of parenting when I was young, and never figured out how to grow up.
You’re right tho, nobody is completely selfish. I did meals on wheel for a few months when I was not working, I did help some family members, at least a little. You know, fixing shit up, helping moving, fixing my mom house and the summer house, etc.
It’s just a feeling of being completely useless I guess. Not having responsibilities or people that depends on me. Telling my mom I wouldn’t care for her anymore cause of what she did in the past. Stuff like that. Being a selfish piece of shit.
Maybe like you’re saying, with time it’ll change, be more balanced in selflessness and selfishness. It’s pretty hard when you can barely sleep to even take care of yourself, nevermind other people.
I keep postponing taking some volunteering back these days, maybe I should kick my ass a little. I do have some talents, stuff most people can’t do, that I know but, I am fairly selfish about it, yet I enjoy when people appreciate the help..
I have found, in my own case, that when Im down on myself, its usually because I value what others think of me. I assume that they would think a certain way (negatively) even if nobody has explicitly communicated that to me. Paranoia and fomo. Just me though.
I encourage you to consider whether youre as bad as you think, or if youre somebody like me
I relate to that a lot. I feel like most of my life is me being disappointed with myself and my life. I can’t see any good use for me. There are people who show appreciation for me, but it doesn’t really affect me emotionally. I just feel like I’m suffering a lot of the time.
6 comments
Same here, the shame is crushing, and doesn’t help with trying to make things better for sure. I think my mom drilled that shame into me, then society sure solidified the concept much further. I am not sure how to reverse that tendency, even with mental health professional, which didn’t help at all.
Hope you’ll be more successful than I am
cheers
I’m going to challenge you because I’m trying to challenge the same thought in myself; A. all humans are selfish, to be selfish is to survive. There’s only so much you can ignore your own wants and desires, the inner child demands feeding, care, and attention. It’s essential for basic function. You can’t work all your waking hours for the benefit of others, I’m in a caring profession, even if it is for the best reasons, you can’t be entirely selfless.
Second; everyone needs help sometimes, needs others to give to them, but everyone gives help sometimes. So no person is a true parasite. We all matter to someone, baffling as it is to those of us deeply depressed who feel we matter not at all. The time will come again when you’ll be reminded why you matter, I believe that, if you can make it to that time again, that time will come. Nothing lasts…. not good times, not bad times.
The temporal nature of things at the same time the most horrible and best thing about our world.
That is very true, puzzling how good people like you end up on this site.
For being a parasite, well, I guess it’s a spectrum. In my case, I worked maybe 15 years in my life, on and off, which isn’t much compared to average. Many “careers”. With a lot of years doing nothing and I guess mooching off society, cause we have a lot of services here. Not like I steal, or got benefits illegally tho, but still. Idk, think I absorbed my mom narcissism, and I am just selfish overall. A man child. I really don’t know how to feed and care for my own inner child I guess, except with addictions. Probably missed a lot of parenting when I was young, and never figured out how to grow up.
You’re right tho, nobody is completely selfish. I did meals on wheel for a few months when I was not working, I did help some family members, at least a little. You know, fixing shit up, helping moving, fixing my mom house and the summer house, etc.
It’s just a feeling of being completely useless I guess. Not having responsibilities or people that depends on me. Telling my mom I wouldn’t care for her anymore cause of what she did in the past. Stuff like that. Being a selfish piece of shit.
Maybe like you’re saying, with time it’ll change, be more balanced in selflessness and selfishness. It’s pretty hard when you can barely sleep to even take care of yourself, nevermind other people.
I keep postponing taking some volunteering back these days, maybe I should kick my ass a little. I do have some talents, stuff most people can’t do, that I know but, I am fairly selfish about it, yet I enjoy when people appreciate the help..
anyway, I’ll stop rambling
I have found, in my own case, that when Im down on myself, its usually because I value what others think of me. I assume that they would think a certain way (negatively) even if nobody has explicitly communicated that to me. Paranoia and fomo. Just me though.
I encourage you to consider whether youre as bad as you think, or if youre somebody like me
you’re definitely not alone with this, you’re pretty self conscious..
that’s good
I relate to that a lot. I feel like most of my life is me being disappointed with myself and my life. I can’t see any good use for me. There are people who show appreciation for me, but it doesn’t really affect me emotionally. I just feel like I’m suffering a lot of the time.