Today might be a difficult day for some of you, and I just want to express that Im sensitive to that. If you need to vent about Mother’s Day or your relationship with your mom, comment below. I will be here to listen to you.
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It is somewhat of a difficult day for me. I have a lot of moms. My dad remarried and I have a stepmom now, who hasnt gotten along with my mother at all for some time. On the other side of things, I recently found out that (by amazing coincidence) my mother likes women too. She happens to be dating my spanish professor, who is a woman. This doesnt bother me in the slightest, and im actually really excited to know that my spanish professor will remain in my life for some time.
But it bothers my dad and my stepmom. They are somewhat homophobic, which I think is incredibly immature. For my dad I think its a pride & ego thing. My stepmom is mostly kind but has old-fashioned prejudices that I dislike greatly. So, Mother’s Day is somewhat difficult for me bc of the unwanted conflict.
But I love all of my moms, each in their own way.
Well, when someone remarries, the new spouse always seems to have some serious beef with the ex if they are still around. My wife hates my ex wife, which is far less of a beef because almost everyone in my family resents her and I don’t have any kids with her.
I think my mom probably envied the other maternal figures in my life not having to make the hard choices. I like your take away, love them all in different ways. I still have my mother in law, and grandma in law. Sure, they’ve got problems, but who doesn’t?
It’s complicated for me. I’ve had a lot of maternal figures in my life, not all for the best. I did talk to my actual mother, who I have a complicated relationship with…. but I don’t think there is a man who doesn’t have a complicated relationship with their mother. My mom was the driving force behind my treatment through my childhood, so there’s no seperating her from the drugs I took, and the associated trauma.
There’s also that my mother is the one pushing hardest for me to assimilate, to be a part of the normal world. Right now she’s very pleased with me, so I should be happy, I know she is. Yet, it was only a few weeks ago I warned her about how futile the process could well be.
The two maternal figures I lost were my grandma, she died at 71 from ALS. I had to watch her wither away. It is directly because of that that I smoke, because life is short, she lived a clean hard working life, and look what it got her, cut short, dying in a home and no thanks from anyone. The other was my great aunt who I lost when I was very young. She had ovarian cancer.
I had both of these losses in childhood, and it probably is why I’m such a piece of work. I was very upset when my great aunt died and I wasn’t allowed to go to the funeral, I think I was five years old. No one had told me she was sick, I wasn’t allowed to say goodbye, and I was denied her funeral.
It was on my mom’s side too, so it was that far back I started to distrust her, started to realize that she would make choices regardless of how I felt, regardless of what was respectful of my dignity and needs as a person.
Which is funny now, in a way. I’m working on giving therapy and one of the most important things we are trying to get these kids is dignity, because that’s what successful kids need. Shame no one knew that in 1993. I don’t know if anything could have helped in 2003 when my grandma died, that was just gut wrenching, ALS is hell to watch up close.
They were great moms to me though. I hope my wife will get to be a mom to some kids someday soon. Gotta try and wring some hope out of even the darkest moments. I wish they had gotten to see me grow up, maybe I would have done more to make them proud.