I live with a toxic father someone who can be kind when he’s in a good mood, but the moment he faces problems, he turns cold and takes it out on everyone in whatever way he chooses. My mother endures it all in silence. She pushes herself beyond her limits every day, and I can see how it’s destroying her mentally too.
As for me, I’m anti-social, working a 9-to-6 job, with no real friends or emotional support. I feel like I’m just barely surviving each day. There’s this gut-wrenching weight inside me as if I could vanish without anyone noticing. I often find myself praying to God, asking Him to take me away peacefully, because I’ve carried more pain than I can bear. My heart feels unbearably heavy, and I’m exhausted mentally, emotionally, completely.
Every morning, while riding on the bike with my father, I find myself looking up at the trees and the sky. In those quiet moments, I silently plead with God to just take me. It’s the only moment I feel anything real. Even crying has become difficult. I can’t let it out at home or in front of anyone. I feel trapped inside myself.
1 comment
I have found that focusing my free time on achieving goals helps. Helps, not cures. When im focused on this goal or that goal, my mind has less energy to think about the more negative things. That empty feeling.
Merely a suggestion.