I just want to talk about something that crossed my mind since recreating my reddit account days ago and that is, if your family members or real life friends, maybe your partners find out that you had been writing suicide letters here; how would you feel?
Because that happened to me in my past relationship and it felt strange.
Okay, so I was suicidal and having thoughts about my relationship then. I won’t divulge much since I myself don’t remember but what I do know was how freakish it felt when my ex (then-bf) replied to my suicide letter, etc on reddit. I know he meant well but it made me feel controlled to have someone read my public diary (ironic, yes). These posts are meant to be vents and I don’t want to burden him with my thoughts more than I already did. But when he found it, replied to it, and I even confronted him about it, he said since I post it online, why can’t he have thoughts about it? I don’t know either. I was upset too so in the end, I just keep some of my online presence a secret from him. (Including my account on this website).
Back then, we have political differences that we can’t get over (and to this day not really compromise/agree/get comfortable with) and so it bothers me if he reads my written thoughts and use it against me. He himself frequented online spaces that made me uncomfortable and he would use the general sentiments (against my gender) agreed on in those forums when fighting with me, an individual.
Just early this year, he found my twitter (because I was being careless) and he asked me if I was the person he tweeted about (it’s not). But I hate it so much I privated my other twitter account cause I’m uncomfortable with him ever finding it and reading thoughts again.
On an unrelated note, I have a propagandic song as my earworm but it’s just what it is.
5 comments
I write here anonymously. If somebody I knew saw my posts realizing it was me, Id feel embarrassed. Id ask them to keep my secret, and explain that while I struggle, im utilizing this place as a tool to vent out and fight it. That nobody here is meant to be found out.
Im sorry that happened to you, id be mortified in your shoes
I pray that if the same happened to you, the other person would give you more grace.
I would be terrified, delete my account and completely cut off the person who stalked me. Our anonymous thoughts should be off limits to anyone who knows us irl. Otherwise it’s like you said, they learn things they aren’t supposed to know, and if they’re jerks like your ex they can use it as ammunition against you.
I don’t use twitter so idk if this is possible but can you somehow block him from seeing your feed? Same with other online spaces? I’m sure he’d find a workaround either way, so maybe you might have to consider starting a new account (which sucks because you’ll lose your online friends, but maybe you can tell them your new account)?
The only alternative is to live with knowing he’s a shadow hanging over your shoulder, and I’m sure that’ll compromise how freely you express yourself. Ugh it just sucks. Maybe if you go dormant for a while he’ll get bored and forget about it.
Okay so you have no idea how reassuring that felt. Thank you for making me feel less alone. Elon unfortunately made it so that even accounts that we block can see our tweets (I think) so I’ll just have to live with that but so far, he didn’t seem to have found my current twitter yet. So I’m okay like that. Thanks for the suggestion. Luckily, some friends from my old account found me again. Not all of them but that’s enough.
I notice that with my ex, he’ll always try to butt in wherever online space I’m in so I barred him from joining my bible study discord. He kept on telling me to unblock him on my socials too but I never listen. I don’t care anymore. He drains the energy I would rather spend elsewhere.
Glad I could commiserate 🙂 Ugh definitely keep him away from your bible study discord… our spiritual thoughts are the most private (and vulnerable) parts of us. He clearly has an agenda, so ….anything you say can & will be used against you.
I sorta experienced this, though not as invasive, and it’s why I deleted almost all of my social media presence. It sucks because sometimes you just want to vent to strangers, like here, without it impacting your real life. But some people don’t understand that.
I used to have fun posting on youtube, just stupid stuff to blow off steam. But my rl friends found it and told each other. They meant well I suppose. But I stopped posting because my youtube account didn’t feel like a safe place anymore.
There’s safety in anonymity, knowing that you can post personal thoughts and nobody’s going to freak out and blow up your phone, show up at your door, or accuse you of implying something (like your ex assuming your tweet was about him smh). It’s great that you have a new account he doesn’t know about, guard it like your life depends on it!