Two philosophic and behavioral questions at the core; why do I keep living; honestly behavioral momentum which I only learned about recently is the strongest reason….You can keep behavior going just by building up momentum behind it of similar behavior, it’s the foundation of the therapy I perform on clients now….
I think a lot of what keeps people alive is that being the default choice, it being the easy choice, that being the choice with momentum. Death is a left turn.
Which brings us to why do I want to die? I long for change, I hate the dull drums my life is currently mired in.
Beyond even that, I do daydream about reaching life’s end, about being done with this pointless and meaningless world. I have substantial philosophic grounds to die, and staying alive is more out of spite and attachment to people around me than any noble cause or meaning.
So, when it comes right down to it; all that keeps me from ending it right now is the fact that death is coming for me anyway. I’m dying at the normal rate, and that seems fair. As I often remind myself, I could kill myself, or run away from the life I hate as a secondary less damaging option if I needed to.
Good questions both. My answers 12 years ago would have been starkly different. I will answer as I see things today. Live? Two reasons. Because of that innate desire to live and strong bonds I have formed with several people. Those strong bonds were not there 12 years ago. Die? When I suffer a flashback of past trauma. I now have tools to handle those flashbacks that I knew nothing of 12 years ago.
3 comments
Two philosophic and behavioral questions at the core; why do I keep living; honestly behavioral momentum which I only learned about recently is the strongest reason….You can keep behavior going just by building up momentum behind it of similar behavior, it’s the foundation of the therapy I perform on clients now….
I think a lot of what keeps people alive is that being the default choice, it being the easy choice, that being the choice with momentum. Death is a left turn.
Which brings us to why do I want to die? I long for change, I hate the dull drums my life is currently mired in.
Beyond even that, I do daydream about reaching life’s end, about being done with this pointless and meaningless world. I have substantial philosophic grounds to die, and staying alive is more out of spite and attachment to people around me than any noble cause or meaning.
So, when it comes right down to it; all that keeps me from ending it right now is the fact that death is coming for me anyway. I’m dying at the normal rate, and that seems fair. As I often remind myself, I could kill myself, or run away from the life I hate as a secondary less damaging option if I needed to.
Good questions both. My answers 12 years ago would have been starkly different. I will answer as I see things today. Live? Two reasons. Because of that innate desire to live and strong bonds I have formed with several people. Those strong bonds were not there 12 years ago. Die? When I suffer a flashback of past trauma. I now have tools to handle those flashbacks that I knew nothing of 12 years ago.
Hey there, haven’t seen you in a while. I guess you’re doing better? Strong bonds occurred recently/within the last 1-2 years?
What tools helped?