I want the life i lived before my breakdown. Ive lost so much that ill never get back. I miss my old friends.
My life is bullshit and im ready to hang myself, Don’t think ill ***** out next time.
My doctor told me im only gave a diagonosis of schizophrenia because thought and mood disorders are not an exact science and being labeled as i am they can treat general symptoms. From insight i beilive im autistic with bouts of ptsd induced psychosis. Recently im starting leqn in the opinion that im actually autistic comorbid with schitzoaffective bipolar. Im too beaten down to bring this up at my next appointment and im already on too much medication as it is. To ight im feeling like im ready to end this.
If you still visit this site, id like you to know id like to touch base witn you over email, its important.
The medications don’t work for shit. Applied for social security, would rather make a living working but im too sick to keep up socially. Might get denied anyway. lifes lost all meaning, i can only read so many books or whatever to pass time. Me and my family are broke and im stuck at home with no food. Old friends seek me out to catch up and i feel like i have to keep it a secret that i was diagnosed with schitzophrenia. Everythings going to shit and im about done.
I thought i saw her walk by my house last week, i wish we could make this pain go away
People warned me to slow down with the smoking and drinking but its too late. I cant believe any scenario that floats around in my head because now without question they’re fixed delusions. Fuck me!
The mental health system is a joke, theres little help from the medication they force on me then do no more than that afterwards. I swear i was better off self medicating, the side affects are horrible. I feel fake, if anything they make me feel crazy like im controlling a character on a videogame. I cant even get real sleep, just short naps. Im treated like im on parole, if say the wrong thing its back to the mental hospital for me. Ive already given up, just waiting for the moment my death will be les of an inconvenience on my family.