I’m exasperated by all the so called political issues we deal with today.
In a world where hardly anything but harsh polemicizations remain I don’t know, where to go/what to do..
I think everything is flawed from the ground up. Can I just die.
Anybody know any forums that mainly revolve around freedom of expression besides this one? I have some ideas that I don’t feel would really fit here or on reddit. Nothing too overly political, and not infested with trolls.
Basically I finally realized at the age of 25 that my scumbag vice-principle called me into the office in 7th grade cause he thought I was a potential school shooter just because of some dumb comics I made where the characters fight each other with swords, guns, and magic. It took me this long to realize it… I didn’t even understand what was happening when I was a kid or how sadly judgmental, fearful, and small minded the so called adults in my life were at the time…
Someone mentioned the best defense being not having any expectations… Here’s what happens when you’ve been pushed to that point that you no longer have ANY expectations for anyone… You have an epiphany.
An epiphany in which I firmly believe the capitalist viewpoint finds its onus, starting with the idea of embracing the idea of using your wealth to not only stay on top, but to also prevent others from climbing to your level BASED on this epiphany… Which is that people are thankless wretches, and if you give of your own will, they develop a hubris.
The capitalist realizes that there is no point in trying to make people see things from their level, when they’re so resistant to understanding, and that the best revenge against an undeferential society is actually to stop feeling compelled to enlighten the stupid with the expectation of being understood and to instead view people’s stupidity as an opportunity in the form of a commodity.
You’ll never go broke appealing to the lowest common denominator, and that’s why ‘the powers that be’ espouse this idea that things are equitable. After all, what are you doing when you try to explain yourself to someone? You’re trying to salvage your expectations. When you confide in someone you make a confine for an idea that can effervesce into something more. But when you’re surrounded by indolent morons who don’t understand what they’ve been given, your only choice is to capitalize on their stupidity.
I have my own thoughts that I won’t share, but I will say that it’s not a philosophy entirely without merit.
Someone made the observation that this place is less of a place to get help and more like a journal for their fucked up thoughts, or a repository if you will, for their suicidal thoughts and the accompanying bullshit.
In the spirit of what they said, I’m just going to give short versions of all the thoughts I wanted to post here over the past couple weeks and ask questions to accompany them instead of taking up space with a bunch of separate posts.
It occurs to me that suicide is the result of a complete lack of inspiration. Incidentally the few people I’ve known who actually committed suicide were easily impressed.
What else is suicide? Besides something like ‘a means to escape’? That one is obvious; we all know that…
I wrote something. I don’t know if it applies or not. “Insanity is inexplicable. It’s digging your own grave to keep yourself level, and if left unchecked, it can result in a near complete capitulation of the self.”
Does that seem true? What do you think?
Another quote from Khalil Gibran. It applies to the suicide of my friend. “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore, trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility.”
At first I admired him for actually having the balls to kill himself, but when I learned of the stupid reason he died, I actually wanted to talk to him. To me this quote is similar to Shopenhauer’s “The more noble and pure a thing is, the longer it is to reach maturity” or however it goes… In short I was trying to tell him that he had a lot of potential and the weight of the experience he cultivated, or the tenderness of the understanding he gained, or something like that, was what was causing him pain. I dunno, if anyone doesn’t understand what I’m getting at with this one, it’s my fault for being lazy/not articulate enough…
Lastly, I wanted to share some music and ask if anyone had ever heard anything “darker”. The songs were Joy Division’s “Passover” and “The Eternal”. The second one is about a kid who was locked in his house his whole life, and when Ian Curtis saw him after 15 years he looked exactly the same and still lived in the same place.
I also wanted to address the elephant in the room for a lot of us who’ve been here for a while: The constant dumbass arguments on this site.
The reason this site generates so many arguments is because being able to generate walls of text without being interrupted makes people power trip since the interaction isn’t going as it would go in real life. There is no cadence, no give and take, no dynamic, and inflection and non verbal things aren’t being communicated. This is why I started ignoring people in internet arguments long ago.
So some delusional people naturally think things are going differently than they really are. We gotta remember that this is the internet, people.
I’ve been here for 7 years and I’ve seen how this site has now fallen victim to tone policing, etc;
It’s kind of annoying.
I don’t like coming to this site. I’m ashamed of coming here. If things had gone any different, I’d leave this dilapidated corner of the internet be. I’d like to view this site as part of my past. Ideally, I’d like to view it as an indiscretion. But it’s not. I keep coming back here.
And the reason for that is, simply, I seek an escape. I cannot simply blame my failure, my inability to commit suicide on science… genetics… cowardice… or circumstance.
The truth is the human body is resilient far past the point of logical survival. We’re pushed to the point of illogical survival. And as illogical as it is, the reason we’re trapped here isn’t because of fear… The truth is those of us who’re trapped here each have something that’s keeping us going. Something we’ve turned our back on and wish wasn’t there. To keep us “tethered”, in this world.
And since we can’t kill ourselves, it would appear the logical solution would be to turn around and optimize our situation to make life as least awful as possible… But we don’t. And for most of us, I suspect you can’t. Not that I blame the ones who simply don’t. We all know what it’s like to feel compromised. Tainted. To want things to go back to the way they were before. For things to be perfect. When you had solace, peace of mind. When things were normal.
As much as I abhor this paradox, it’s the truth. I’ve been here since 2013.
Seriously, what’s up with all the writing off of and denying of people their suffering in modern society with asinine platitudes, etc;?
Why everyone says things like “But it made you stronger”?
If you were a child you didn’t need to be stronger. You needed to be safe.
I wish these assholes would wake up and smell the coffee…
I wonder if there’s a relatively new source to all this quasi-positivistic crap, from within the last century and a half or so. I think someone posted on here about Freud’s nephew introducing the concept of creating a consumer society to corporations and the subsequent society we have today emerging as a result.
So… Anyone else here think that so called i n c e l s aren’t wrong?
I’m handsome. I don’t need to worry about shit like that. But the sheerly arbitrary nature of life/existence has always stuck with me. You know how it all goes. People ignore people who are too mentally ill or ugly for society. And for what? To chase the goal of pointless procreation.
Technically speaking, to someone in such harsh circumstances, every normal life lived could be viewed as an affront, their lives stand as a testament to refuse to acknowledge the arbitrary nature of reality…
I’m detached from reality. Whenever I get high (marijuana) I feel normal again. The real me only comes out when I’m high. I’m not speaking remotely figuratively here. I’m literally detached from reality. As in, oblivious, to a degree, to what I am doing and experiencing. When I get high I suddenly become aware of how I’m feeling. I guess I shut off long ago to protect myself.
I don’t like getting high. Whenever I get high, everything seems so harsh and metallic and disparate. It reminds me of that girl who killed someone while on antidepressants and said it was because people aren’t real, they’re robots. I’ve been where she’s been because I’ve taken them. It’s scary as fuck. But maybe it’s real. But would you really want to see that? To strive for that as the truth, out of virtue? Fairly certain Eastern philosophy posits there is no absolute truth. Some people believe there are only points of view. Maybe the problem with the West is that we think there’s absolute, objective truth. But the whole “points of reference” thing just doesn’t feel right to me. But what is it that is driving us toward such truths anyway? Man, I’m stupid.
After I found out….. I just gave up. My friend offered to take me in after my sick sadistic retard mom made me stay with a family of narcissistic sociopaths for two years… That alone drove me into a mental institution. And our mental healthcare system is so fucked
They didn’t care why or how I got there… Not that I told them anyway. Not the real reason, just part of it. I wasn’t about to tell them I talk to myself without realizing it. Why would I give them an advantage like that over me, something to torture and prod me with… I just told them I lived with a fat, sloven demented fuckpile sociopath who brainwashed my mom into being his slave and tried to break my mind and make me his servant
I refused my friend’s offer… After all that time I was finally free… But I was imprisoned in another way, a much worse way…
It didn’t take long before my mind started changing. A deep disturbance had reached down inside me. They can all hear me… They can hear me.
I can’t stop fixing on stupid and fucked up shit
They think they can hear my thoughts
These are my thoughts
You have no right
Just kill me
Weed makes it worse. It also makes me aware of it. I chased off the only person who could’ve helped me. I often check out their social media and they recently blocked it so now they think I’m a stalker. And maybe I am. But what else am I supposed to do? I can’t be around people. The only thing I can do is look at what would have been my life from the inside of this vacuum in which I subsist.
I’m in the position a lot of you wish you were in. The point where it gets easier. The point where suicide is actually in sight. As one approaches the act of suicide they start to hear voices in their head antagonizing them. I’m not relating that as my personal experience. Scientifically speaking, that’s what almost always happens.
Once or twice, awhile back, I actually heard the voices in my head. I immediately suppressed them, but I take a slight comfort knowing they’re there and if I wanted I could slip back into that state again and cultivate those voices by engaging with them instead.
I’ve been to this site before. Its incredibly toxic and someplace I’d never consider visiting if I weren’t in the situation I’m in.
I saw my 14 year old half brother beat my 3 year old sister to death when I was the same age. I have Somatoform Dissociation and non-epileptic psychogenic seizures from trauma. I’m here because I make audible speech without being aware of it. It’s constant. I’m constantly speaking my thoughts out loud without realizing it. But I know I do it. I’ve therefore isolated myself and cut myself off from any and all friends and family. This has made my life a living hell. I can go outside. I can’t talk to people without holding water in my mouth or else they will hear me. I don’t want people hearing my thoughts. This has driven me crazy. Please kill me. Just kill me. End it. This is a sick joke. I haven’t been able to live my life since that day. No since the day I found out. Do you have any idea how it feels to have people see inside of your head?
I also go places without realizing it in a highly suggestion state and talk to them in a sort of quasi altered personality type way. I repeat the things I’ve heard as if they are my own thoughts and speak my abstract thoughts as if they are my opinions. People think its cool to laugh at me.
The thing is, its not that there are gaps in my memory. I don’t REMEMBER the gaps. How is that even possible? The only reason I can even write this is because I’m on drugs right now. I also go online under different personalities and say random shit. I often find old comments with morons arguing with my altered states.
Please kill me. I’ve had enough. This isn’t funny anymore. It was never funny to begin with. This isn’t life.
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