I just need a moment to drop off some thoughts and try to organize them. I don’t expect this to make sense to anyone else, they barely make sense to me.
– I feel like I’m screaming into a black hole that sucks the sound out of it.
– Why does the topic keep coming up from her, I’m worried. She’s too young to think about that. Does she know something about me I’ve been hiding? Why is she acting this way.
– I could just as well talk to a Boulder. No matter what it is people never hear me. I’m getting tired of trying.
– Is it over yet? Can I walk away? Why does everyone make it so difficult to let go? I know you care but can’t you see the suffering? It isn’t fair.
– Is there value to any of this? Why do I keep going? Who am I really and what do I really want? Can I do it? Nope. That is above my level.
– The world will think you’re insane. Maybe you are. Maybe they are.
– Focus! You have to stay focused!
– What you’re doing it wrong but it’s the only thing keeping you here so how bad can it be? That’s what they all want right? Which would they prefer? What would be better for them?
– That’s not a normal reaction. Something so intimate shouldn’t make you feel that way. What is wrong with me? Something, everything.
Sorry for the random vent.