At work…at home.. i constantly see this in life and it is a profound question i have always wondered. Why do people do things in one way –a way that is dysfunctional, maladaptive, unhelpful and hurtful — instead of another even when alternatives exist and are presented to them?
My mother is a bit ocd about certain things. For instance, the silverware drawer cannot be left open so they do not become “contaminated.” Yet the sink is never cleaned, covered in mold, mildew and likely e coli and salmonella bacteria.
I cleaned it today. It took about 7 minutes. The sink is now spotless, clean and pleasing to use and look at. Her only reply was to mention it smelled bad due to the bleach lingering in the air. Yet she will benefit from this day after day until it becomes dirty again, yet will not clean it but be displeased to use it after it becomes filthy again.
At work they complain they have no energy, are depressed, lonely and don’t make enough money. Yet they smoke cigarettes, eat junk food, and spend all day sleeping or on the computer.
I used to cut myself, beat myself, drink pints and pints of liquor. Have been slammed into the road headfirst through a window. In jail. 10s of thousands of dollars lost. Opportunities destroyed….
I learned and changed and reap the benefits, though i continue to suffer setbacks.
Is it ignorance? Well what if you present the better alternative to them and they still deny it?
At what point is it simply someone’s fault if they are failing in life? Is it beneficial to try and support them when they are not willing to support themselves?
Why are bad habits and poor choices so difficult to alter even when perfectly logical explanations and alternatives exist and are presented to people?
Is it because their ego will not let them admit what they know rationally is true?
How do you help such a person?
I’m not blaming the victim. We are all the product of our environment. Change is difficult, opportunity fleeting..etc.
It simply perplexes me how we can look at multiple options and knowingly choose the one which we will regret and will harm us instead of those which will mend and uplift us.
life is very complicated