I really don’t know what to do anymore.
Some call it a phase of life, others just a small crisis.
But I don’t know and I actually dont care.
I feel empty. Nothing excites me. I don’t have goals and no matter how much I search, I just feel that I will be put down.
Everything I do is put down. I got support, but what does that count? They wont be there forever.
I wonder, why was I born? I feel empty. Don’t feel joy actually and just waste my life.
I tried many times to kill myself, stabbing, hanging, drowning and even throw myself infront of a train or car.
I always hesitated.
The meaning of Life means to live it. But if my life keeps being empty, i wonder…
Why was I given life?
I am tired of it.
Tired of living a meaningless life where every day feels empty no matter how good it can be.
The void always is there.
So I think life itself is just actually a waste. Thats maybe my only opinion. I dont really feel anything else, I am envious of those who can express themselves freely and pure. I wish I could.
The only thing I can feel is Fear.
Fear of Failure.
And between Death and Failure…
I rather choose death…
I really don’t know.
All say I can find the answer myself, but how do I do it?
Is my answer in death?
Maybe I should try again.
But I don’t have the courage to do it. Neither am I in such despair. Those feelings are unknown to me