It’s my own fault for getting into this situation. I’m too connected to a friend, I’m becoming fucking codependent, and that’s fucking disgusting. He’s my only friend, and he puts up with me all the time, and I’m too much all of the fucking time. He’s super busy lately, and I don’t think he likes me so much anymore, which is fine and I need to accept that and shut the fuck up and calm down. But I’m fucking disgusting and I’ve been leeching off of him. I don’t feel good about that. I can barely act like a normal human being. I’m going to drop off the face of the earth. I just need to go away from everyone. I need to not exist. I need to not ruin everything for everyone. Ever since I was born, I’ve been nothing but a huge fucking weight to everyone around me. I’m done. I’m done being an anchor to everyone I love.
Either this week or after finals. Then it’s over. I’ll walk to a gas station and off myself in the bathroom, just like the pathetic, disgusting piece of shit I’ve always been. No fucking around this time.