i have a condition in which i compulsively pick my skin. ugly brown scars are everywhere in my body. on my shoulders, thighs, belly, butt, on my back, on my neck… everywhere. i’m in shape (just been a tiny bit fat in summer lately, which i know i can fix quickly) and i’m not that ugly, but the skin of my body is awful. whenever i see some girl wearing tops or even t-shirts and have normal skin, i get this very bad feeling in my stomach and a voice goes in my head: “if only others knew you’re such a freak that doesn’t have normal skin”. i’m 21 and i’m currently dating, and i’m one of those who don’t believe in sex before marriage, and i’m constantly concerned that if i one day have to get naked in front of a man, he will hate me, in the best case he will politely keep his feelings to himself but i know he will hate me. i specially hate my butt. it has a nice shape (i wanna be realistic, not just negative) but there are several brown dots on it (acne dots, scars of my skin picking) and i have lots of stretch marks.
one time my sisters was nagging that she has lots of stretch marks because of pregnancy and i compared mine to hers and i had more! i mean… come on! she’s been pregnant! i just got a liiiiiittle bit chubby when i was 11 and that was it! i mean… me and my sister are from the same race right? but i’m uglier and have a way more terrible skin. it’s not fair.
i really dread the day that any man sees me naked. because they will hate my body. they will hate my skin.
i don’t know what to do to stop skin picking. i don’t know what to do to have a better skin.
i wanna fix me