I cant breathe. My lungs work just fine but there doesnt seem to be enough oxygen to fill them, my chest is not big enough to hold enough air to fill this black hole pulling me in.
I wonder why im back at this point. The last two weeks or so ive been doing great, havent cut in nearly a month now. Perhaps thatll change tonight. Perhaps i wont be strong this time. That thought crosses my mind every day, several times a day. Maybe its time to give in
anonymous_frog
Can it be enough to live for others?
I always think about myself. I know some people think i care so much about others and am altruistic and stuff and I in fact need them to think that. I don’t want them to know how egocentric my thoughts actually are. Whenever I’m alone I don’t think about philosophical questions or real life problems or anything interesting, no, it’s always me me me. How am I doing? Am I getting worse or better? Do I need help? Will I screw up and start cutting again or will I manage to hold my own this time?
Lately I’m feeling too down around others, I think they […]
My mind goes round and round. Hope yall are having an ok night
I want to cut i want to cut so badly right now i swear i was doing better i really was but now i just really really really need to —- okay. I mean, honestly why shouldnt I? Who is to say it is a bad thing? Sure, its self-destructive, but the only thing I’m damaging is myself right, so why would anyone else care about this? Its my issue. Mine. Should I not do it, just to comply with some idea of health propagated by a society that cares more about functioning than well-being anyways?
I feel no joy, no excitement. I know I’m supposed to and I know how to act the part – it’s not even a conscious choice, I do it by default. Big smile yes of course I’m happy and grateful and excited, of course I’m having fun, enjoying myself. But all I really feel is emptiness. And noone can know. I have to function, just keep functioning, one day after another. I need it to stop, I just need everything to stop but I’m trapped: I can never make my way out of this prison I can’t do that to the people who love me. […]