I’m back to school. Back to seeing all my classmates living interesting lives, doing interesting experiences, socializing and having fun. All while i observe from the outside, since i have absolutely no social skill. I have no friends anymore. Already i had few, now it’s down at 0. The words that i said today to other people could be counted on the hands. I’m wasting my life doing nothing that i like. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t do another year like the last one. Nothing interesting, no one to talk to, just studying, day after day, it’s just that, with more and more responsabilities and fewer people than ever to count on. And for what? to go to university, if my parents will be able to afford it, study more than ever with fewer occasions to make friends than ever. Then i’ll have to work for another 50 years, in a world that becomes shittier as time passes, only to hope that i’ll recieve something as pension when i’ll be old and useless. What’s the point of all this suffering? I hope i’ll be able to end it soon.
It’s destroying me. I can’t stand it anymore. I don’t have any friends, nobody to talk to, or laugh with. I had friends in the past, but since then i have isolated myself completely. The last time i spoke with someone that wasn’t my family was 1 month ago, and they were still just classmates. I don’t even remember the last time i had an irl conversation with somebody. The worst thing is that if i wanted i could reach out to somebody, but at this point it’s almost as i want to be alone just to feel sadder. For some reason it’s reassuring even if it makes me feel worse.
People my age go outside together, have fun in all sorts of ways. I have been alone for so much time that i don’t even have any social skills. If i had some before Covid-19, they were all wiped out. And now i haven’t gone out of home for weeks.If you don’t count going to school then maybe i go out once every two months. I just want to stop thinking and worrying about all of this.