I was born to a drug adict that loved being passed around bars and biker gangs! No father. First 7 yrs in and out of foster homes, out only when she wanted to feel like a mother. Finally left at an orphanage. 2 years later adopted, it took them all of 5 yrs to realize they didn’t want kids( or just me). Back into foster ” care” for all of high school. Joined they navy, didn’t fit in. A dozen or so girlfriends all cheaters, boy can i pick them. 84 jobs before 30. In that time ( mostly as a teen) tried to kill myself 5 times. Stupid ways hanging, cut wrists ( wrong way across not up the arm), and pill od. I don’t know if it was the stupi ways or not really wanting to go through with it that i am here contimplating it again. Now 42 married 2 kids 9&6 girl and boy but in a life i hate not just my past that i hate but my present! I’m not sure my wife loves me anymore or ever did, or even care at this point, i have never fit into this world never liked being a part of it, and now @ 42 am ready to do what i was unable to finish so so many years ago. I have no job due to illness no friends due to marrage no life due to kids and wife no reason to be here again. Full circle to my younger years. I was going to do co2 but the PPH says newer cars my be unreliable so helium it is. Don’t really know how i wound up on this site but i thought since in a couple days i’ll be gone i should post something if for any reason it will be here long after i’m gone. I wish life could have been different, there are parts of it i really love. Like the woods, and camping and sunsets, the sound of the waves crashing against rocks, and the wind right before a really great thunder storm. Thank you for this opertunity to, …..to vent or maybe let some of the pain go, and make my leaving a little easier, because now i don’t have to feel like i owe anyone an explination. Goodbye!