I’m still here entertaining the Devil with my silly ass life and stupid pain.
azuzu
My life is such that the only thing I look forward to is sleep. In my dreams I am free of everything including gravity. Sweet dreams where I am hero. I awake sometimes in tears because of the simple fact that I woke up. I long for an eternal sleep. Hero forever
Just experienced a little burst of self pity and disgust. Why must this bullshit drag on? Give me the strength to end this shit.
Been suffering from chest pains since this morning. I’ve said nothing to no one about it. Maybe there is a God and it’ll be a heart attack. Let’s keep our fingers crossed. Wish me luck guys.
After so much pain it will end in about 20 minutes of spasms and convulsions. Regardless of it’s pills or a noose. At least that’s what my research states. The only sure fire way to avoid that is riding a bullet out. All that’s left is the balls to do it.
If I’m alone, I’ve done it to myself. Nobody likes a loser
I’m new here but I use this site to vent my pain. I see people asking for help on thier suicides, but I figure that if you’re serious enough you will do your own research. Today I’m shocked to see posts belittling and demeaning those in pain. I expected those posts of people talking about better sunnier tomorrows but was seriously taken aback by those that are insulting. Good thing most people here are suicidal and not homicidal.
I cannot stop the thoughts and images bombarding my brain day in day out. How can I stop this madness!?
Sitting here watching people through my window. They have thier yesterdays and tomorrows. Can’t help to compare myself with them. The only difference is is that all I have is now and I pray for no tomorrows. What a pathetic little person am I
They ask me tell them everything and now I’m crazy. I tell them about my sadness. I tell them about my self loathing. I tell them about my secret desires to be dead. I tell them about this black pit I’m in.
They tell me I’m crazy
What a joke, now I’m supposedly possessed? Witch lady says she sees something riding on my back. Bring on the voodoo doctors and things that go bump in the night. Maybe whatever it is will get the job done right and quick.
All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above –
Know that you aren’t alone
The whole world shares your tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years.
by Vikram Seth
Now I lay me down to sleep
Lord, I pray my soul you keep
I lean forward and push off the edge
I fall into a fog falling falling
With two downward thrusts I rise Above the fog. My wings are beautiful
I glide effortlessly through the clouds
Here is where I belong
Gliding effortlessly through the sky
Here I am powerful
Here I am hero
Here my dream is endless
My God sees me not
My tears fall unchecked
My screams go unheard
Why am I damned?
Why am I unforgiven?
Why my god why?
I am broken
Sleeps sweet release
Sleeps sweet embrace
Is death better?
Will I dream in death?
Can I be and do things unimaginable
Can I be a man?
Can I stop being the Nowhere man doing nothing for nobody?
I will leap into the blackness
It will take me
It knows that I belong
I don’t belong here
I belong there…
dead
Been in this prison for years
My enemy
My biggest enemy
I hate you
I hate the sight of you
I wish you were dead
I hate you with all my being
I dream of putting a gun to your head
I dream of pulling the trigger
I dream of you with a rope around your neck
I kick the stool from under you myself
You stupid reflection!