So having anxiety and depression I get what I call “anxiety voices” That’s that nasty little voice always in your ear telling you that everyone is looking at you thinking your a looser, telling you you said somethig wrong and thats why there not texting back, telling you that she doesn’t teally like you and is just humoring you because she feels sorry for you, telling you that your not good enough, telling you that you that it was all your fault, and making it all too easy to obsess over “what ifs” and “shoulda’s”.
On the rare occasion I was given answers to most […]
Blackholeheart
You lose it and do not notice it … You lose them every time a little more, if you ignore their calls with full intent. You lose them a little more each time, if you leave them again, because you are important to others. You lose them a little more each time when you look at their way, their time, and all the way they do with you, as they love and appreciate you as self-evident. You lose her a little more every time when you let her go to bed with doubts, she ponders with questions that bounce from the inside against her head […]
Ahhh another high anxiety night, it’s nights like tonight that make my coworker think im crazy, as I pace around aimlessly, having full on conversations with my anxiety voices…….
Sometimes I actually wonder if I am going crazy, or this is an early onset of dementia.
As if my waking life wernt depressing enough I’m still haunted by the mistakes in my dreams replaying distortedly and taking on a life of its own as the time passes on…..the same two scenes. Despite the dream they both end the same, me screaming at my phone.
I use to wake up crying after these dreams, now I just wake up feeling shitty, have a vape and go back to bed.
Vaping…that’s a laugh right?!
I started vaping to get healthy, lotta good that’s going to get me…..and honestly vaping improved my health hugely, but I find myself smoking more often now when im […]
So I’ll start off, im middle-aged, unmarried, decent job, loving brothers, sisters & mother, I’ve traveled from coast to coast across Canada and lived in the USA for 7 years, I’ve got a nice big television, huge stereo, all kinds of console gaming systems, computer, nice apartment, comfortable bed, good fucking friends, I don’t have to struggle to feed myself or keep clothes on my back, I was never abused in any way as a child, my mental illnesses are anxiety, society anxiety and depression, when I was a teenager i was put in the psych ward only once for a two week stay.
Why […]