Hi! This is something I want to tell someone but I don’t exactly have people that I trust enough to tell. Or maybe I’m looking for advice? I don’t know— But I’m kinda conflicted with my body image. I think that I look just fine with my stretch marks and all that. Then there’s society’s image and I’m afraid of people seeing my stomach or notice how my thighs are a lot thicker than the other girls my height. I don’t cook either, I rarely step into the kitchen because I’m a mess in there. My mom is the only one who cooks and basically gatekeeps everything and is perfectly content with me only eating one meal a day so that I go back to being 80lbs but the problem is that I was 83lbs and that still wasn’t enough then. Then I went up to 96lbs and she’s not all that happy about it. I know I shouldn’t try so hard to please her but I like to eat and if I don’t lose weight she won’t let me. But if I don’t eat, which I kind of plan to, she threatens me to eat. Maybe I just wanted to rant… this has been going on for three years now since I first started to gain weight in middle school. But, to be fair I was thinking of offing myself often back then.
Dag dang fum far frab
Dag Dang Fum Far Frab
DaG dAnG fUm FaR fRaB
dAg DaNg FuM fAr FrAb
dag dAnG fum fAr frab
DaG DaNg FuM fAr FrAb
My damn choices always lead me to hell. Might as well die, no?
Dag dang fum far frab
Dag Dang Fum Far Frab
DaG dAnG fUm FaR fRaB
dAg DaNg FuM fAr FrAb
dag dAnG fum fAr frab
DaG DaNg FuM fAr FrAb
frack damn it
First entry, and it’s about school. Haha.
Considering the background I am from, grades are very important. There is a lot of pressure for me to have good grades. I know this and try my best. It is the start of a new trimester, and the end of the second one and I am, in a way, panicking. I was doing fine first trimester, and came home with straight A’s. Last trimester however, I started to feel myself fall apart. I was turning work in late, not finishing work, as well as feeling that there is no point anymore. Yes, I should be doing my homework right now, but my feelings won’t let me. It makes me blast music instead. My mind is telling me that I will regret not finishing my work and that I shouldn’t be doing this while listening to music. I agree. Whenever I pull out my homework however, I find myself spaced out. I don’t think of anything when I space out, it is more like looking into pitch darkness on the night you decide to hang yourself. My “friend” gave me advice that worked for a few days but I’m still spacing out. No matter what I do I’m still struggling to complete my work.
I am now trying to find a way to finish my homework to avoid punishment, that is not death, of which I wish would be. May I be given some advice?