I feel silly asking this :’) but im still getting used to SP and in my notifications on here it says I have 2 pending comments? Neither of which I wrote or were written to me, can somebody explain how I get rid of the notifications please? I thought I recieved a personal message at first but I think its this pending comment thing?
I didnt wake up feeling so down about the fact theres another day ahead of me, in fact the first thing I did when I woke up was think of you lot and see what new things you’ve posted! I know im only new and haven’t interacted with many of you but I want to let you all know the impact you’ve all had on me, to see we’re not alone and how kind hearted we all are to go out of our way to support one another. No one makes us listen or read what we have to say, we do it because we’re generally interested and care about each others stories. I’ve seen that by reading through past posts and comments. I may not be cured from my depression but I’ve certainly improved over the past day and I’ve got hope things can get better, for all of us! I dont know if its night or day time for people reading this but whatever the time, before you continue doing whatever it is your doing, I hope I made you smile too! Because of you being you, someone possibly on the other side of the world will be getting on with their day then suddenly stop and smile, remembering the feeling of love and support you gave them just by being there 🙂 or maybe you just said something to make them laugh! Try to stay strong and keep a smile on your face even if its false, eventually it’ll be genuine! Much love SP x
My depression use to consume me, lately I just get days where ill hide away hopeless and miserable, other days ill feel ok and get on with life depending on how im distracting myself. Sometimes I question if im depressed or mentally ill, I do things people dont ordinarily do and hear voices. Im trying to be more positive for my boyfriend as he’s put up with so much for no reason other than he loves me, I want to change and be what he deserves, but its so hard trying to be happy and stay positive when things are happening to you that you know don’t happen to everyone.. and the only people you hear it happening too are people in white padded rooms. Im scaring myself, I hate the urges I get and voices I can hear. Am I only hearing these voices because im telling myself im that upset though? And giving into these urges because its easier than fighting it? I want to love myself so much i never wanna hurt myself again or put all my problems on my boyfriend who doesnt deserve what i put him through. Its my life, my problems, my issue im so insecure and down. How do you start to love yourself and be happy with who you are and what you look like? One thing I have figured out, venting my feelings on here is a massive release
This is only my second post on here, my first post I wrote exactly how I feel and while doing this just desperately wishing I’d be blessed with a child and start a family with my boyfriend. But after one persons comment, I realised im not the only person whos feeling the way I am, upset about the things im upset about and feel helpless. Ive spoken to friends an they all have their own problems too, but what kept me down about myself is im the only person I knew of with my sort of issues and feelings. I hated it, but knowing someone related to me and knew exactly how I felt was so comforting, its helping me cope better with my problems and I hope i had the same effect on that person. We’re both blessed with amazing partners who are trying their hardest to be there for us, and our depression kept pushing them away and now I think its because we knew no one would really understand, but im taking this moment as a starting point, I know im not alone and its given me enough strength to fight, make myself happy and my boyfriend because he deserves it. And I want other people like me to fight with me, we’re never alone. There are 7 billion people on this planet, how could we ever be alone?! We can make a difference in each others lives and never have to feel this way ever again.
It feels nice to write my feelings on a social media page where everyone gets me. I talk to my boyfriend all the time about my depression and bless him he’s bent over backwards to try make me happy, and as much as love him and appreciate the effort he’s going to I physically can’t change how I think or feel 🙁 its gotten to the point where he feels like he’s useless because I havent improved at all, but he’s not! And when he feels useless sometimes he gets mad and thats only been recently, I cant blame him after 2 years of having someone tell you how down they are and nothing you can do is helping. But I dont want my depression to push him away, heck I dont wanna feel depressed full stop. But he’s all I have in life, I want to get over my past demons, not be bothered by the fact I havent got a normal loving family, not self harm, and not feel so insecure I take it out on my boyfriend for having female friends. I never use to be like this and now everywhere I turn somethings really bothering me! Today I woke up and for the first time ive never been so gutted to open my eyes.. I dont want to die, that means im gone forever, I have baby nephews and sisters I care deeply about as well as my boyfriend, so I dont want to be gone, for them. I just want to sleep, forever, so im still here in a sense, just not dealing with life and this constant comedown. My depressions starting to affect my work life and my character. Ive lost all confidence in meeting new people, getting a job, being interviewed, impressing my boyfriend, being there for my little sisters. My nephews have fantasic parents, I know they’ll grow up fine. I fear my sisters will turn out like me because we share the same mentally unfit mother, and their father isnt much help. Their loved and fed and spoilt rotten, but the behavior my mother set for us is the reason im the way I am today, and other things but mainly her. Im only 21 and desperate to start a family with my boyfriend so I can feel love again, and have the strength to go out, get a good job, drive, get a new house big enough so my sisters can live with me or atleast stay over most the week. Having my own child to cherish and smother with unconditional love, and my boyfriend would be the best father ever even if we went out seperate ways (god hope we dont), he’s amazing with children and an amazing person in general. I want my confidence back and my demons gone, I want to be happy and not rely on anti depressants or cannabis.