because I have tried to move on from what I have previously written on this site, but I can’t delete my comments.
If anyone figures out how to delete comments can you please tell me?
Doesnâ€™t look like there are any Aussies here at all.. wish I could make pact. I was planning to go out and try buy Heroin today and overdose on that. I thought what a brilliant way to go, floating away on a highâ€¦ but Iâ€™m scared that I donâ€™t know where to get it and it could cost more money then I have to get enough to ODâ€¦ soâ€¦ Iâ€™ve been doing alot of research. I agree. If we really believe we want to die and the pain of living is worse then the pain you may cause for anyone you may leave behind, you have the right to go the way you feel comfortable with. Me? my parents love me and donâ€™t want me to goâ€¦ to an extent. They fought with me only a week ago and called me a â€œshit bastard who was nothing to no oneâ€. They hit the nail on the head, itâ€™s exactly how I feel. I am not young like so many of you on here, and I think really, if you are only 14yrs old that you should give yourself enough time, to see if a second chance works. If you get to my age, 27, you live at home burdening your parents who resent you, then you have the right to do itâ€¦ please just donâ€™t give up so young. I donâ€™t have a boyfriend that loves me and I think if you have a partner, donâ€™t do it. I would do anything for that kind of love and support. I am bankrupt and I have no career. I work casually I am on a pension because the government recognises that I am severly deppressed and have been for as long as I can remember. I think I am going to try this method http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euthanasia_device#Exit.27s_euthanasia_device . The EXIT deviceâ€¦ it was even invented by an Australian scientist. An awarded humanitarian. It is better then carbon monoxide as it wonâ€™t harm others and will not trigger a panic response. I wonâ€™t say too much more, because as Iâ€™ve said, thereâ€™s alot of kids on here, if there is anyone my age and up, contact me, be nice to be not alone and do this together, but if you havenâ€™t even lived to see your 21st birthday yet, maybe you should try harder, you never know, you might be more successful then me, turn your life around, discover happiness.
I will say the main reason I want to die. Daniel Butler. Because he doesnâ€™t care. He doesnâ€™t even believe that his actions have truely caused me this amount of pain. Sure I have always been deppressed, but never, ever have I been this hurt before, never untill now have I been this sure I want to go, yes Iâ€™ve tried before, but over the counter sleeping pills do jack shit, I know that now, this time I want to be sure Iâ€™ve done my research and I have. I love him but he loves a girl who used to be my best friend. I think she loves them too. I wish I could be happy for them but I canâ€™t. Her name is Jo and she broke up with him years ago, because he was acting like a jerk. I also had a litte crush on him I suppose, but this year when he asked me out, I was delighted and said yes. I get on with him great when we are together in person, we like the same movies and enjoy the same sort of music, heâ€™s a photographer and I like when he teaches me what he knows. He is the only one, ever, to have fully understood my needs and desires in the bedroom, heâ€™s a little sadistic, but itâ€™s what Iâ€™ve always wanted and donâ€™t think Iâ€™ll ever find another who knows me and my body that way. I know heâ€™s still very attracted to me, but itâ€™s not enough when I love him and he just doesnâ€™t care. we only went out for a few months, before we started fightingâ€¦ it was because I didnâ€™t feel like I could trust him, like he wasnâ€™t treating me nicely at all and I didnâ€™t know why. He tell me things like he didnâ€™t have enough money to go to the pub to celebrate the long wkend with friends, so I bought a mini keg, took it round to his house and when I got there I waited for him to finnish work and looked for to meeting up with him. All I got was a text message saying he was going to the pub with friends and I wasnâ€™t invited. I left in a storm of anger. As he and my good friend Jo used to date, he told me I should tell her, seemingly innocently wanted to make sure there was no animosity between usâ€¦. but I donâ€™t believe that at all now. I am sure he was using me against my friend Jo now, just to hurt her. What better way to get back at someone for dumping you then screwing around with their best friend? he dumped me a couple of days after I told her. and I thought, what was the point in telling her if he wasnâ€™t even going to give us a real chance to work?
Even after we broke up I continued fihting with him, we broke up in april and itâ€™s now June. I just wanted him back. I begged and pleaded for another chance, I heard that he lied to me about a few thingsâ€¦ I rang him up and blasted him, he promised me he would try and change. He took me out a couple more times, and it was great, but only last weeked I got a text message from Jo saying â€œummmm youâ€™re gonna hate meâ€. I knew right then that she had slept with him again. She knew I would hate her because she knew how I felt about him. WHy? why would they do that to me? Daniel said he only promised he would try and change because I was harrassing him. he never even tried at all. he just stabbed me in the back. Now he says heâ€™s back with Jo and he always missed her (why was he stuffing me around in the meantime then?) and heâ€™s promised her that heâ€™ll change. for her. not for me. He was supposed to change for me. Itâ€™s the promise he made for me.
I canâ€™t cope and I canâ€™t just accept the way things are like they want me to because they used me, itâ€™s just not fair. He has changed his number so I canâ€™t call him. She is ignoring me, he has said that me saying Iâ€™m suicidal is just crying wolf, looking for attention. He is so wrong.
I want to die because I want him to have the guilt of my death of his conscious for the rest of his life.
I came across this site because I’ve been dreaming of death. As much as I long for it, I am still scared to do it. I have been feeling down for as long as I can remember.. maybe since I was 5 and I am now nearly 26. My mum has never been really verbally abusive.. but the things she says to me, the way she puts m down, make me wish I was dead. She reminds I’m a good for nothing, that I’m lazy, that I’ve done nothing with my life. All I’ve ever wanted was to be loved.. all I’ve ever gotten is failed relationship, one after another after another. Men you just wanna use “for a bit of fun” they say. I care for them, have feelings for them, but to them i am nothing, just a joke and will never be good enough. I’ve just started working fulltime again.. and now I’m thinking I’d rather call in sick tomorrow and attempt to overdose myself on sleeping pills. I’ve tried before. a whole a packet and a bottle of vodka. I thought it would be easy. but all i ended up doing was lying in a pile of my own vomit for two days, alone in my appartment. Yes but now I am living back with my parents, because I am the loser child. I have played with razors before too.. I just never seem to cut too deep. My sister called me a emo. fuck her. that just hurt more. I told her I never wanted to speak to her again. and I haven’t since. I don’t know what to do. I talked to several different psychs over the years.. but never found any to be that helpful.. one even taunted me “if you’re really that deppressed.. then why don’t you just walk infront of a car, or throw yourself over the gap” but I can’t. because I am afraid. I have researched what my ideal prefered method would be… cyanide posioning. I wish I knew where to get it from. Even overdose on herion when trying it for the first time doesn’t sound like a bad way to go either.
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