So, I ran away from home because I can’t stand my sister and mom anymore. I’m better on my own for now. I still feel empty and can’t get over my miscarriage. But along the way something changed. I met someone. A guy. He knows what has happened to me and has helped me through it even though I’m really difficult. I have feelings for him now. I’m confused and scared. But now he is not replying to me anymore. I thought he felt the same way and now I feel a little bit worse than before. Why whenever I let someone in they always leave me and I end up hurt?
Today I feel lonely and depressed. I woke up and I don’t even know why I’m still here. I overthink about what happened and I can’t help but cry. I still miss that stupid asshole and my baby so much. I’m crying while typing this post. I feel that it’s all my fault. That thought haunts me. Plus, I don’t have friends IRL and therefore no one to talk to. My family doesn’t help me. If anything, they make me feel worse about myself. My mom won’t let me go out or do anything to alleviate the pain I’m feeling or at least distract myself a little. I feel so alone. I was thinking on getting a puppy because somehow I feel it will help to feel better and get through this so I won’t have to turn to committing suicide again, but my mom said I can’t have it. And then she said mean comments about me having a puppy. My sister makes me feel so shitty about myself, I feel less than a dog in my house, not even because maybe they would take care and love the dog. I honestly don’t know what to do, but as time passes I feel I’m gaining the strength I need to end everything once and for all. I want to go into an endless sleep.
I lost my baby. I lost my baby. I lost my baby. This is all I can think about. I feel terrible and can’t seem to get better. I have a baby sister, I can barely look at her because she reminds of the child I lost. I know it’s not her fault but I get sad every time I see her. Today was her birthday, she turned a year old. All my family gathered and cheered and I felt miserable. I feel so alone, they don’t get me, and mistreat me. I want to be gone so bad.
I don’t feel I can take this anymore. I feel so empty, so lost, so alone. No one understands what I am going through. And as time passes by, I convince myself more that I need to be gone, that I can’t be here anymore. I miss my baby, I miss him, I miss school, I miss my old life. I wish I wasn’t such a coward and could attempt my plan now because that’s the only thing on my mind. I feel so depressed, so unlucky, so miserable. I want it to stop, I wanna go to sleep and not wake up.
As some of you may know, I recently had a miscarriage. I feel terrible and can’t seem to get over it and my family is not helping at all. My dad and my brother call me fat literally everyday and my father is forcing me to go to the gym so I “get fit” or whatever. That breaks my heart. They don’t understand that the extra pounds I have and my tiny belly reminds me of my baby, and I’m not ready to let that go. I don’t care about looking hot or being fit right now. Plus, my mom basically keeps me under house arrest despite the fact I’m almost twenty by literally locking me inside the house and taking my phone away from me. My sister is unbearable and has betrayed my trust, I even think I hate her (and I don’t hate anyone). I feel desperate, lonely and more depressed than ever. I’m so convinced that is not worth trying anymore. I don’t wanna live with them for five more years (I’m forced to, that’s how it works in my country unless I get married). I want it to be over.
I can’t stand it anymore. Despite the fact I had a miscarriage and I feel lonely and suicidal, my parents are pushing me over the edge. I’m forced to live with my mom which gets angry at everything and she doesn’t let me do anything even though I’m almost twenty. She locks me in her house which makes me more depressed. I feel trapped, I don’t have freedom, I don’t have anything. My dad calls me fat and is trying to force me to go to the gym while I still can’t get over my miscarriage and don’t want to lose my bump. It reminds me of my baby, and I’m not ready to let that go. If anything, I think I’m eating more just so I can keep it. They are not supportive at all and are driving me crazy. I just wish to be gone.
I keep dreaming about the child I lost and about his father that mistreated me every night. I can’t sleep (because even thou I am asleep, I can’t rest), I wake up with tears in my eyes. I feel tired and emotionally exhausted, and being awake makes me feel miserable so I try to sleep as much as I can. I really feel like giving up and I wish I could close my eyes and not wake up.
I feel alone, depressed, unloved, and empty. I can’t get over losing my baby, dropping out of school, and missing the douchebag of the father. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. I’m feeling suicidal and I’m scared I’ll try tonight. I just want to talk to somebody.
I thought I had met the most amazing guy and that he actually liked me. He promised me he would try to be with me despite it was against his religion (he is Muslim). We had a pregnancy scare but we thought it was nothing, and we went off for Winter Break. He wouldn’t even kiss me anymore because it was “wrong” but said he was trying his best to be ready for me. Once the break was over, I didn’t go back to uni and he just stopped talking to me. Soon after, I found out I was actually pregnant and he just pushed me away. He wouldn’t even talk to me when I went to uni to see him, he kept ignoring me. I found out he is being hooking up with other girls and he even made a new Tinder account. I left and he called me a liar and a whore because he didn’t believe I was pregnant (even thou I had a bump) or if I was, it wasn’t his because people told him lies about me sleeping with other guys (I had just slept with him at that time). I was depressed, didn’t take care of myself, and I recently had a miscarriage. Everything is wrong. I feel empty and alone. I couldn’t even tell him (he blocked me). Despite that, I miss him and I still have feelings for him. Is it so wrong?
This is my second post. I still feel depressed. I lost my baby and can’t seem to get over it. My dad tells me I’m fat everyday and says I should go to the gym but I don’t really want my bump to go away…at least not yet. I even miss the asshole of the father of my baby even thou he mistreated me and is happy as it could be. I can’t trust anyone. I feel alone. My family is not supportive. I wish to be gone.
I’ll start this post by telling you my story. I’m 19 years old and I have been depressed my whole life. I’ve always felt like I don’t belong here and I’ve wanted to kill myself ever since I can remember even though I didn’t have a good enough reason. Nevertheless, I wasn’t strong enough and I never got the courage I needed to do it mainly because I didn’t want to hurt my family especially my mom. Nonetheless, ever since this year started I feel I can’t take it anymore. I had to drop university which I loved and finally was making friends (which got me into deeper depression: I couldn’t eat or sleep and I didn’t go out. I wasn’t taking care of myself at all) and soon after I found out I was pregnant. The father of my baby is Muslim which made things worse. I travelled all the way back to uni (I went to school abroad) just to let him know about the baby (he suspected I was pregnant from the beginning and was really mean about it), but he just mistreated me and wouldn’t take me seriously. He wouldn’t even talk to me anymore (I had feelings for him) and I found out he was hooking up with other girls despite the fact he told me he wanted to become more religious and wouldn’t even kiss me anymore. In the end, he promised me if I decided to keep it, he would like to know and be part of the baby’s life. The day after he said that I was either lying about being pregnant because according to him my ultrasound didn’t look 9 weeks or that if I was, it wasn’t even his. It broke my heart. I didn’t lie to him. He called me a liar and a whore, told me to stop messaging him (I had gone back to my country the day before), and then blocked me. I couldn’t stop crying and wasn’t taking much care of myself, and then I started bleeding. I got so scared because that is not normal when pregnant and I had made up my mind to keep my baby despite not having someone to help me raise it. I even had a name for it because I had a strong feeling it was a boy. That week I went to the doctor and they told me the bleeding meant I had a miscarriage. I lost my baby. Now I feel empty and alone, and I’m more depressed than ever. I can’t stop crying and feeling guilty for not taking care of myself and being sad over the father of my baby. I wanted to have it so much. My family made me go to a psychiatrist and he put me on medication, but it’s not helping. If anything, I feel worse. I just wanna end it, but I’m not sure how and I don’t want to fail if I attempt it. I’m planning on overdosing with my antidepressants and alcohol. I want to stop the pain I’m feeling and I just don’t want to be alive anymore. I feel useless and stupid. My mom thinks I’m dumb and a waste of space and to my sister I am the devil. I wanna close my eyes, go to sleep, and never wake up. I just wish to be gone.