CARLOSPEJUAN

abnormality or impairment in the function of a specified bodily organ or system

I have erectile dysfunction at 25 years of age. My doctors are failing me by not prescribing viagra so I can at least cope with it. It’s lead to embarrassing moments. It’s causing me to feel bad about myself. It sucks. As if being a schizophrenic isn’t enough now there’s other stuff wrong with me. at first I thought I just want to die and then I thought I don’t want to die I just wanna be happy. I just got done with a beautiful guy who blocked me because I simply couldn’t […]

I went to the ward again. My mother was so sad. I feel like I’m at least fighting for my life and I’m seeking help before it gets bad. I think it’s awfully that I made her cry. But what was I supposed to do? I’ve been researching methods and thinking about suicide a lot. I knew it was time to go back. I don’t feel suicidal at the moment. I feel hopeful. I just want to succeed. That’s all I want. I wonder why God is so against that.

Putting a whole bunch of patches on chewing tobacco and tobacco chewing gum. Mainly the patches though. Would that work or would it just be an awesome high?

I’m thinking of buying a gun and offing myself. I don’t feel sad or tired. I just think it’s better if that way. I don’t wanna keep trying. I’m just kinda done. I lived a good life. But I’m done. Can anyone else relate?

I feel like being schizophrenic and dumb are things I just didn’t sign up for. You feel me? I kinda want to off myself based on that alone. I also feel like I’m a burden to society at the moment. And I don’t think I’m down to partake in this life thing anymore.

I want to start posting on here certain visions and […]

I came to visit. He left me at the airport. I had to get a hotel. He hasn’t done a thing with me since I got here. He goes out without me. Leaving me to rot alone in the house bored. I fester in my sadness and outright in my loneliness. I can’t believe it. You should have told me not to come if that’s how you felt. At least I could have saved my money and flown somewhere else. This may be the last time I come visit. I’m contemplating of suicide, not because of his obvious lack of affection but because he pointed […]

I failed again. I have little time left to do the projects for english class and math, let’s not even talk about. I’m worried about me. Idk if I’ll ever succeed in life. I hate feeling this stupid. It makes me wanna cease to exist. I feel so stupid. I feel so wrong. I feel like a burden to society. I feel so unnecessary. But I feel like I have to keep on trying. Just in case there is a chance to make it, I position myself to take it. I’m so depressed right now. I don’t even know what to do anymore. I wish […]

I’m going to fail math and possibly english. I should’ve only taken one class. Not making the same mistake next semester.fml I’m so sad. I feel retarded. Everyone at work called me that. I now understand that it was true. I have no brains. I’m feeling kinda down lately. The only thing I’m good at is being a friend. There are no jobs for that. I think I’ll retake one of these classes next semester, but only one. I’m so incapable. I just wanted to be someone in life. I just wanted to get out of poverty. And do amazing things for myself and others […]

Someone also mentioned they couldn’t even do cancer right. They have experienced one of my fears cancer attacked but the ***** left her alive. Whisper is so relatable sometimes. I may not be depressed but my will to live isn’t that strong anyways.

My first big assignment and I blew it.

I failed again. I failed to turn in my homework on time. I failed to prioritize what I needed to do first. I failed myself. I failed at life. At least my symptoms arent flaring up. At least I’m not falling straight into psychosis. But, still. I’ve failed. The meds made me soo tired i basically slept through monday and tuesday and by the time wendesday came I was already late. I found this guy under the miniclips in the WAP video. I can relate so much to him. I hate how  the system doesn’t work. Everything from […]

Where are you box car, are you still  around swing by and talk for a little

I just failed my second math test. I am now facing the consequences of being a retard. Something out of my control, something I cannot change  I wish I was smarter so I could pass these tests and become something important in my life. I think it’s unfortunate when you have big dreams and desires but you’re not capable of manifesting them. I just found two tutors. I wonder if that will help. All I want is to be  a great person. I’m on the brink of selling my soul for success. It’s like I want it so bad Idk what year to do. Living […]

I just thought it was relatable at least in my case where I don’t talk about these things to people in my life, but I do talk to people on here and Grindr lol.

So to recap the list was Dumb, Crazy, Stupid, Retarded, and introducing the newest category UGLY. Apparently I am not worthy of of being selected as a mate. No one has ever wanted me. Idk if anyone ever will. It sucks guys. Now that I’m not depressed or suicidal I feel worthless .-. . Like from a utilitarian point of view I am just worthless. There is no point for me to be in this world anymore other that to not cause harm to those who love me. I think it isn’t fair for me to be here taking up space and time. It isn’t […]

I need to find an apartment ASAP. But no one wants to live with a crazy person. I can’t believe how unfortunate I am. To develop a condition that doesn’t affect most people and that is so frowned upon. I think it sucks to be me. Now I have to opt into certain areas I don’t want to because I’m technically disabled. Fuck my life. I hope none of you ever have to go through this. I hope your children aren’t cursed like me. And I hope I can find an apartment soon or else I will be another homeless veteran. Who’s mind is not […]

Would you pay a suicide note out not? Before I head no reason to. I was chronically depressed with no apparent cause. But now if I killed myself there would be a cause. How about you? Would you leave a note behind? And what would be the premise of it?

What if I never make it? What if this is it and I’m bound to be in debt and poor forever? What if this is the sole epitome of my existence? The nadir now far behind me. A glimpse to the past reveals all I can be with a future looking nothing but dismal. I had it all except a brain. Gee now I have nothing. I’m studying, but will that be enough? Will I perform? What will I do? Now I cant even have sex very well. The medications ruined my stamina and my drive. They also ruined my hardness in case anyone was […]

First off this song is fire.

Roses are dead, they’re violent like you. Poke you with thorns and leave a scar too.

I feel so sad, i feel ugly, i feel useless