i’m sick ofÂ trying to feel happy and pretending to be happy. I’m just going to go to my f****** doctor and get some depression pills. Maybe they will work can iÂ even get depression pills at 14 idk but if it dont work I hope i choke on them or i might overdose myself on them.
Today I went to church and I felt so guilty. I haven’t thought about killing myself in two weeks I was on a roll I considered myself sober because I had my music on full blast so I won’t think just hmmm to the music. But it ended today because suicide is a sin and being in church seeing everyone going on about how they love god made me sad. All I do is sin every time I think about killing myself and cutting myself. At that moment I felt like killing myself. Yea how sick I’m sinning in church. On top of it […]
Don’t u hate being lost not literally like when it seems like mostly everyone knows what they are doing. All the time I get ask what I’m i going to do when I grow up? I say the samething over and over I don’t know yet. But what I really want to say is ” Cant u see I’m not going to do shit with my life n if do decide to do something it won’t be now I just going to high school not college.” But as I get up today I thought maybe I should live to make camps all over the world […]
right now I want to die n can’t sleep to stop thinking but now I have thought bout it were all scared of wat we are cable of killing ourself everyone is waiting for a sign or someone to pull them out of da darkness if dat wasn’t da case we wouldn’t have been on dis sight we would have already killed ourselfs but everyone is still scared wanting to enjoy da world like most people do. Or waiting for something to happen to push u over the edge and finally kill ourselfs making sure we have a good reason for our own death. We […]
Everyday i am reminded that i am ugly and i hate it the best compliments i can have is your starting to get pretty or stop pushing your mouth your just making yourself look more ugly. I was called the most ugliest girl out of my class. One time a little boy stop in the middle of the streets once he got a look of my face he looked scared like if i was a monster or something. Once it was me and my friend she asked her sister and brother if they think i am pretty out of no where she asked them […]
This morning i got up ready to kill myself because i had enough. I got my brother ready and waited until my father took him to the daycare. After they left i went straight to the expired pills i have for about two years now in my cabinet and got a glass of water. I decided at one point to mix three different kinds of expired pills then throw them into the water so it will become less hard when i take it and easy to swallow so i can just get it over with. I started to drink some, i was in the living […]
i read all the comments i got they were helpful ( no im not going to say u don”t understand) i got two best friends who i recently told about my suicidal thoughts but not the cutting or why i have these thoughts because idk even know why but i do know why i feel like this. They look at me differently now and i cant take that if i get help and the people around me knows they will treat me differently and that’s hard when you like being by yourself. Im fine with most people treating me like im nothing because […]