I am so freaking mad. My ex comes to my house the other night shoots in my back yard, I call the police and he files a restraining order? I cannot afford to represent myself from this right now. I just finished maternity leave and am at 60% pay right now. I owe the electric company 1500 bucks and they are going to shut us off just around the corner soon. I am so sick of being stalked and smashed by this guy. He wrecked everything my house and broke my face as well. I cannot deal with this. I had plans to exit just in case I needed them. I actually spoke to a therapist today for the frist time about this who was going to work with me. She said it was common for people dealing with pain to have exit strategies. I have had one too. I just did not plan on using it. I am so pissed that my life insurance is going to be held up in probate and 2/3rds of everything I have worked so hard for all these years is going to go to him. For what? Because we have two kids that are his. One he has never met and the other than he has abandoned 6 months ago. Fan-freaking tastic. This is too much for me to handle. I love my kids and I am the only person who has their crap together. I have a good job, a home owner a tax payer – never spent a day on welfare. He has nothing – not even a car and owes his ex wife 70 grand in child support and me 10 grand. Life is just not fair. I will be glad to not have to wake up tomorrow. I will just miss my kids. He does not want them so thankfully my brother and his wife will take them.
Well, I hate my life as usual.Â Â I am glad that I made it through today.Â Â I watched my young daughter sleeping in my lap.Â Â She wiggled about and I studied her quite a bit.Â Â I felt ashamed for her shameful rocky start to life.Â Â I never understood cutting oneself until for what ever reason I did it myself just over a year ago.Â Â I cut my entire leg from the ankle to just above the knee.Â Â I did it over and over until I just decided to stop.Â Â Of course, I was too ashamed to get stiches so I left the larger cuts heal open.Â Â I am mad after the fact becuase I have some mighty scars to remember this “event”.Â Â Â If you are thinking about doing it, please DONT.Â Those scars will never go away.Â Â Does anybody know why they would cut themself?Â Â I cannot pin point the actual reason that I did it.Â Â And, a side and random thought – I wish I had friends.Â Does anybody know of a internet site that you can go to find friends – there are a zillion dating and hook up sites but friend only sites are hard to come by – at least for me.
Hi.Â I am going to a therapist tomorrow to see if I can find a new “person” for me to be.Â Â I spoke to a counsellor at my work and she asked me how long has it been since I have felt like myself and happy.Â I had told her that I could not remember truthfully.Â Â We both shared a laugh when I said that I will just haveÂ to find a new person toÂ strive to be.Â Â Â Â I decided long ago and after careful research that I will die of hanging.Â Â Â I have plannned it all out for a long while.Â This planÂ includes Â home improvement and fixing up my will.Â Â
I have kids that I have no business being the mother ofÂ .Â Â You are probably rolling your eyes and thinking that I am such a selfish person just about now.Â Â I don’t think that this is true as I have identified that they deserve much better than a shell of a person to care for them.Â Â Â Their father has changed his mind and does not want them in his life so I have to find a new situation for them.Â Â Everything seems to be easy to plan with the exception of what to do with my kids.Â Â I wish I could plan this out with willing participants to choose where they will go.Â Any place they go is going to be better than wth me.Â Any advice on how to deal with small children would be appreciated.