I’ve always been desperate for someone to love me. Once in my life I just want anybody to choose me, to actually want to be around me. Just once. What kind of person am I that this is so impossible? Am I not funny enough or pretty enough? Maybe I’m just that miserable to be around. I know it’s a selfish and childish want, but literally all my life no one has ever put me first. My family made a point of letting me know they loved my sister or brother more than me. They still loved me but they loved them just a little […]
CodenameR
I’ve just tried drinking for the first time in my life tonight and I’m not sure why. I always avoided alcohol throughout my life (granted I’m only 20 but the option has always been available to me), the main reason being my crippling fear of becoming like my mom. I don’t want to be an alcoholic. And lately it’s been hard to keep denying it. After long shitty days at work only to go home and face the reality of my loneliness, Im jealous of my friends who could just let it all out or take something to relieve that stress. I still don’t trust […]
It’s pathetic, I know, but all I want is to be loved. It’s something thats been absent t most of my life, and the love that was there was the kind surrounded by thorns. I know my family loves me deep down but does that make the pain they cause me acceptable? Just because they love me it’s ok to make me an afterthought. They can tell me how unwanted I am, but it’s ok cause they still love me? I don’t want that. Is there even any other kind of love though? Is it even possible for someone to love me without breaking me […]
Everyone is just so broken. It’s not just me or the people on this site, but everyone is riddled with cracks and holes. Some are seemingly not as bad as others. Some cracks are left in the open only to deepen and never be healed, but others lie just beneath the surface and heal no better.
It hurts to move forward yet so does standing still. Live or don’t live, does it matter? Who even cares anymore? Everyone is broken in some way but won’t acknowledge it to each other. We just ignore the pain in ourselves and hope it’ll heal itself, but it never […]
Why do i feel so sorry for myself? I’m the cause of most of my problems. Sure if can blame my parents for being awful, but that excuse can only go so far. They’re not why I’m such a shitty person. I can only blame myself for that. Ok maybe I’m not the worst, but when all the self-loathing and lack of worth catches up to me i can’t help seeing everything i do as some grievous sin. Is it any wonder I’m impossible to love? People prove it to me again and again that they don’t care. But how can they care about a […]
Honestly my biggest problem is myself. I have absolutely no self worth, I genuinely wish I could stop existing just to save everyone the trouble of knowing me. I’ve grown up around people who proved they didn’t care about me again and again, and I’ve let them make me believe im worthless. I can recognize that that’s why I feel that way, but knowing it won’t change how I feel. To this day I can only think of one person who has ever expressed actual concern for me, and I’ve only met them in the past year. And it somehow hurts more knowing someone might […]
Alrighty, let’s talk about my mom! Good ol’ mom, aka a source of my non existent self-worth. My mom is a horrible alcoholic, and has been since I’ve been born. That’s also something that has been pointed out to me many, many times by family members: before she met my dad and had me she didn’t have a drinking problem. And she acted like an actual mom to my two older half sister’s. But for my whole life, “mom” has just been an honorary title for the one who gave birth to me.
When I was about 7 , she left my dad and took us […]
Hello, I’m new here, so here goes my little introduction post!
I just turned 20 a few weeks ago, which is kind of how I found this place. Historically, birthdays with a dysfunctional family and a lack of friends tends to be awkward at best, so this year I said fuck it, no one talk to me. I told my mom not to do anything, didn’t have to tell my dad since he already forgot when my birthday is. Since I didn’t work that day I slept until 4 pm and when I finally woke up I didn’t leave my room for at least another hour. […]