In May, I tried overdosing. Well, it obviously didn’t work. I ended up being sent to a psych hospital for 11 days. Then I did a partial hospitalization program for 3 weeks, and then did an intensive outpatient program for 5 weeks. During that time, I quit self harming, quit abusing prescription drugs, and quit having suicidal thoughts.
It’s been 5.5 months since I first wound up in my inpatient place. But now that I’m “healed” or whatever the hell you want to call it….I feel weird. And I don’t like it. For whatever reason, I miss being how I used to be. I miss being apathetic and miss feeling suicidal. Part of me thinks I’m trying to push myself back to that point. I started drinking and self harming daily again. I don’t even know why. Is it crazy of me to miss being how I was? Has this happened to anyone else? Or am I just too fucked up?