I had a fleeting thought of shooting myself with a shotgun while urinating, moments ago. I imagine the upon the blast you would feel great pain, and would get an ear ringing sensation. Then your cranium, and the surrounding flesh would be turned to compost. Of course death would occur somewhere within the moment your head is intact and your flesh blends into a pile of chum. Just seems like such a violent way to go. Certainly a certain way to get the job done, that’s for certain, but all the more sickening.
I simply can’t shoot myself, the thought of it is so unsettling. Of course the method I wish to use has many issues involved. Getting the supplies carries legal ramifications, and if for some reason something went wrong, I would have to resort to more drastic measures. The thought of committing suicide to avoid legal ramifications seems to taint the idea of the whole concept. Anyway, this post had absolutely no purpose, but I can’t get the idea of death out of my mind. I can’t do it right now because of where I am, but I really do think it’s the next step.