have you ever had that experience where you feel like after loving someone for a long time you all of a sudden feel like you’ve been lying to yourself and doubt your feelings and you feel like talking about it to them but then you’re scared of losing something so great?
anyone wanna talk or just have a casual conversation?
I saw my best friend today for the first time in about a few months and seeing her was the best and being able to hug her again was the most amazing feeling but i promised her i would never leave until i at least saw her once then i would most likely leave. Now i’m having second thoughts but i really want to leave. I have no clue what to do….
what do i do when i have strong feelings for one person who i would say is smart and attractive but i only get talk to them about once a month and i won’t be able to see her for another year and a half and she is also my best friend however there is another girl who i like and can be smart when she chooses to and is quite ‘sexually’ attractive (there is other things i like about her)?? (both of them i am really close to and tell them anything and everything).
soooooooo confused and mixed up at this point.
Title says what i want to say….so i’ll just add this. Live a life of independance not dependance….thanks to all who helped and (she knows who she is) love you 🙂
how do you care or support for someone who asks for your help but then treats you like crap? Especially if that person is family. You can’t talk back to your parents or speak up for yourself because the world has tauught you since you were a kid to not talk back to ‘authority’ or ‘elders’ or ‘parents’ or ‘carers’. Then there are people who teach you that you should speak up for yourself, tell them what your thoughts or idea or opinion is….when you finally do it, it just seems to go the other way and you give up….stop trying, not bother, be pushed around and not be bothered about it…..when you give up it seems so ‘peaceful’.
its peaceful in a way it shouldn’t be. How do you talk to people knowing that they will look at you different and treat you different in either a good or bad way ans the couple of times you decide to talk they just seem to get bugged by it and you no longer want to bother them with your problems and becomes this paranoia that it’ll happen with everyone you know, becomes a constant thought that’ll cause you to rethink so much.
It can drag you down so much. Become lost. Confused. Lonely. Frustrated. Annoyed. Whatever……
is it bad that since my best friend has been ‘stripped’ of the ability to talk to me by her parents and changed schools by her parents because of her boyfriend….which has caused me to stop telling people things and just pushing them away even though i know they care and are really trying to help?
I feel like they shouldn’t be dragged into this….into my sorrow and sadness since, year 11 its important they don’t need the stress its stressing enough.
Days are so lonely now without my best friend to talk to and it sometimes just feels good to ignore people and be alone but really i hate being alone it the worst feeling and emotion….don’t know how much i can put up with ‘this’.
what would seriously be the chance of surviving a car hitting you?
it seems everything i do now is just for attention, however i can’t tell. Am i just lying to myself and others? Am i making things up and actually fooling myself? am i really doing everything i have done for her? do i really love her? could i ask the same about my past relationships? was it my fault they ended? did i do something wrong? am i the reason my best friend is so suicidal and depressed, who is now losing her life slowly because she overdosed? is it me? or others? why does life and nature have such a cruel yet realistic cycle of bullshit? so many things that have happened can be questionable whether it is or isn’t your fault…….I’m sorry to the people whose lives i ruined and decimated through my selfishness and thoughtless actions.
Everything would be okay if i was with her, if i could somehow show her how i feel about her rather then explaining in words which i am not so good at doing. shes such a difficult girl to understand to most, i seem to understand a lot of her just not her heart which i just wish. i wish i never hesitated the moment when she did actually share that same feeling but never told me.
Tell her i love her
tell her i love her
tell her i love her
tell her i love her
tell her i love her
You never notice how much affection can kill you…litirially, you support her through everything she knows how you feel about her, she understands you and you understand her but yet even in the way you have expressed yourself, your love she doesn’t feel the way you want her to and the love almost seems guilty, you would do anything to get to her heart, betray your friends, lie to her, choose her over everyone else. Even after all the crap you take for her, the heart brake you have just to help with her own love life, everything you sacrifice and do just for her is thrown in the trash. All you end up with is pieces of you spread out all over the place and the girl you want well she stays as your best friend and you get no where with your love.
Don’t Fall In Love. Don’t Fall In Love.
Your a fucking idiot. Why did you fucking fall for her.
one day left. Its quite nice being so numb, i no longer think so much and no longer care about how it may affect her and everyone else. without her even being near me i can tell how hurt she is, i wish she would just let go, it would be so much easier…..people always say it’ll get better, well it never did it just got worse and even now people say it but they still don’t realise for some it never gets better, it just gets worse. I wonder whats after…..death, is it worse then this? Or better then this?
the longer i stay the more it hurts but the more i stay the closer i get to seeing the girl who i love so much. The decision is unbareable as she knows how i feel at this moment and tries to convince me out of my solid thoughts, i don’t want her to be in grief but at the same time i don’t want to deal with our undesirable and stupid society….i wish i had never fallen in love with her nor met her and become so close to such an amazing girl yet fragile.