I’m so tired. I’m so sad. I don’t want to be here anymore. Can you hear my cry? Take me. Take my life, my world, my agony. Suffocate me. Take my last breath. I couldn’t ask for anything more than to not be here anymore. How many tears do you want? How much blood do you need? I’m holding out my hand to you Darkness, so grab my hand! Take me with you. Take me far away from here. Let me wither away with you. Let me walk through the constant night with you. So we don’t have to be alone. My heart and soul are collapsing. So let me go. I need to be free already. Is that ok? It only rains for me and I’m drowning in the puddles Darkness. I can’t catch my breath. My lungs burn. And I’ve in all honesty, given up this time. I don’t want to get up and walk out. The walk back takes too many steps and my heels are bleeding. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Take me. Please? I won’t even say a word to you. Just let me wander around. I want to gaze at nothing. I want to feel warmth. I’m just miserable. I’m tired. I’m so totally broken. I cry. I wake up. And repeat that everyday. But where does my happiness enter? It doesn’t. It never does. And I’ve tried. I’ve ran from my problems. And I feel like running doesn’t help. Darkness it doesn’t help me to run. So that’s why I’m extending my hand to you. You are my destiny. I’ve tried to extend this meeting, and this fate but my heart doesn’t want anything more than to give up. My soul doesn’t have the strength to stay strong anymore Darkness. So I plead with you once more to take me. Take me anywhere, I will follow. Just lead the way out of this world. Lead the way, Old friend.
This place doesn’t feel like home..
Sometimes.. I’m just ready to see my last breath fade into the cold air.. And watch as the darkness says it’s goodbyes.. And welcome the happiness that sometimes seems to afraid to constantly stay.. Because I’d be in the happiest place for my happiness to feel safe.. Safe to stay with me. The darkness won’t be there to scare it away and won’t stop me from holding my happiness back. I’ll never have to see the darkness again.. Ever again. I’ll be in my own world.. My own world with my own happiness..
someone please wake me up
im still dreaming
In the name of an addiction my best friend taught me to follow
I tried to stay positive even though I pretended it
It helped cause at home I was lacking a happy ending
Growing never knowing what the present was doing
Living life like a big mystery.
18, I knew I was done with it.
I cracked, cleaned up, and packed my bags.
Swore I would never go back.
It’s a shame how fast time has passed.
Movin’ so fast
It’s like I’m moving at lightspeed
You need to slowdown every once in awhile sometimes
To see how the world goes round
Cause you don’t know, you don’t
No, you don’t need to go so fast
I’m choking on the familiar cold in the air.. My lungs are beginning to shrink with every new breath I take.. I feel the tingling of the frost beginning in my fingers.. And I’m afraid.. Something I know so much of.., yet not enough knowledge could jump start my mind into the painful realization that I’m drowning.. Drowning in the sea and sun.. The water is suffocating but I see nothing but ice above me.. Preventing me from taking another fresh breath of a beautiful nothing called air.. And at that moment I begin to sink.. But I know the sun will melt the ice and I’ll be able to fill my lungs once again..But for now I’ll just lay in the water.. Watching as the days pass me on.. And watch as the ice only grows stronger.., because it has to get worse before it gets better… Right?
I’m happy till I sleep. Sleeping is my struggle.. Is my hell. Most of you struggle with suicide and cutting and I’m stuck with sleepless nights full of fear an torment. I’m happy. I’ve been sucked up by depression and spit out by suicide. Cutting didn’t give me the help I needed so I left. I’m not going back. I refuse to go back. My breathing shallows and I become more and more afraid of leaving this world before I complete one of my tasks. Anxiety hasn’t let go of my wrist and it hurts.. It hurts so bad. I can’t over power him.. I’m stuck. At least my tears blur his face so I can’t see myself give in to defeat of fear..
Anxiety, you’re an asshole. You don’t give me comfort and I’d rather see you go but you don’t. You’re trying to find happiness clinging to me? We’ll you can’t have it, it’s mine now and I refuse to hand it over. Who are you? To alter my life like it’s your own. We’ll I’ve had it, I’m about to let go of everything you’ve ever known. Why? Cause I don’t need you anymore anxiety, you’re tragic. Everywhere you go, you go bringing havoc. I’m done anxiety, trying to see while you blind me in the night with your fears. I won’t shed no more tears cause I ain’t scared. You’re trying to make me sad again. I won’t let you take all that I’ve got again. You’re worthless. You don’t do anything but bring others down to roll around in your pain. I don’t need it. So anxiety all I’m saying is you’re getting evicted. See you never, cause you aren’t coming back with a thousand shards of glass at my neck, expecting me to fall on my knees and take you back.
Tears. Warm salty tears. I can’t hold them back anymore. I remember this feeling. This dark yet beautiful feeling of fear drifting away from my body. Seeing blood through my pain. As I lay in my bed of broken, sad bodies.. tears fill my eyes. Excusing myself from the souls laying still in bed..to go see tears break on the bathroom floor. I bring the razor to stain the white tile floor. To say hello to another tear in my fragile skin, and thank it for moving in. For it’s doing me a favor. Letting me suffer one more day. And one more night. Because tomorrow.. his friend may bring hope.., but for now, my skin will tear.., and my eyes will wither..
As I begin to lay down for another sleepless night, I ponder at the thought of just dying. Of taking my own way out because the anxiety and depression have overwhelmed me and once again beat my ragged body to nothing. My legs now quiver and my heart beat echoes through the night. Yet, I’m confused of what I’m afraid of in the moment. The lifeless black surrounding me in the box I struggle to rest in, gives little comfort. So I’ll pull my ragged body off the ground, grab my razor, and put my mind to sleep.
Ever wish the road never ended..? That you just keep going when the wind feels like a whisper.. and the sky is as clear as a tear..? That you’re feelings never crept up to snatch you up. Careless. Carefree. Nothing to worry about.. Cry about.. Think about. The wind just kissing you softly and singing sweet lullaby’s as your feet slowly move like robots..? Just able to look up and smile.. a big smile.. and a laugh.. Something.., you’re not able to do right now. Looking at the never ending beautiful road ahead. Going forward.. and not backward.. Saying goodbye to everything that has made you.. You just let everything go.. Open your sweaty palm and watch as it flutters away like a butterfly. Whisper goodbye.. because you’re off.., to this never ending road and you’re not coming back.
My lungs hurt.. Groan for different air.., Each cold breathe crystalizes. My blue eyes long.. Long for something new to see.., Each glaze stings.. My ears ring.. Ring for something beautiful.. Each sound makes me weak.., Help me world.. I was there for you when you needed me, now where are you for me? I sit.. waiting to see your dark face appear from above.., wrap me up and let me be free. Suck me into your abyss.. Let me smile.. Let me laugh.. Let my skin glow.. Let everyone see whats been missing from my everyday. Let it. Let me. I gaze at your darkness and my mind goes blank.. Broken visions of us being alone and happy.. Empty promises still laying motionless.. I can hear your heart.. Let me touch your hand.. My hand fits perfectly in yours.. It was meant to be.. Now let’s go be free.. Let’s go into the night.. where we don’t have to fight..
The prettiest hi.. has turned into the ugliest goodbye..
Not your everyday love story.
I sit and wonder. Wonder why I was put here. Put here to cry and suffer. Why would someone put lost.., lonely.., souls here.. to suffer? I don’t understand why I’m here.. Why I’m still dreaming of a good day.. It’s been almost a year now and suicide still seems to be my best friend.. It’s not as close anymore but it’s still there.. and at times.. it moves in and hugs me. Makes me happy. Isn’t that sad? Suicide thoughts make me happy.., when nothing else in this pointless world does. Sad. I’ll keep dreaming of a way to escape. Leave. Disappear. As I’m typing this I wish I was already gone. Far away. And happy.. so happy. I haven’t cut myself but maybe that’s why I’m so down. I just need to be free. To be let go. I need to be happy and this world is not letting me. It’s holding me back. But my greatest fear is.. What if I’m not happy when I’m dead? What will I do then?
I feel as if I’m going insane.. Losing my mind. Losing it.. Like I’ve lost everything else. Everything is cold.. dark.. and unforgiving. Everything sets me back.. So far back. I thought I could have just something that could be mine but I was only mistaken because here it goes. Growing wings.. and slowly setting off. I should whisper goodbye but the words won’t go.. won’t slide off my lips into the cold air.. They’re ready but won’t go. I need help but don’t really know where to look.. I’m alone.. So alone.. I have been alone and finding help is hard so do I just let myself keep falling or do I try and stand up from the tumble?
I have so many cracks.. So many.. Cracks.., someone could poke me and I’d collapse.. Shatter me.. Collect me and let me go.., watch as my face begins to lose small pieces.. As bigger ones start to follow.. Bursting into the like kind of it’s siblings.. Just like tears falling to the floor.. But tears are shiny and whole.. Where as I’m broken and torn.. Ready to fall with tears.. Ready to splash and become something else.. Something free.. Something whole..
Everyday gets worse.. Tears get heavier.. and pain grows stronger. The thoughts prowl around and jump in when they see a chance. I guess I’m just wondering why I’m still here… with all the pain and hurt I’ve been going through lately. I’m home alone everyday for 8 hours.. there’s so much I could accomplish besides cutting my porcelain wrists that contain that beautiful blue vein you can see so clearly.. the purple one that wants attention too but can’t compare.., just branching out into my palm..into my fingers. It’s stupid they say..Pointless. So is life but I’m still living it aren’t I? People are truly ignorant. They can sit back and kick me down and not even try to help me up.. just sit there and laugh at how weak and lonely I am and yet I’ve done nothing to them. Words go quiet when I try to speak to them..But yet I know that when I’m gone they’ll ask what happened and why.. And I wish I could be there with a video of all the times they kicked me down and laughed. I don’t have time though.. To stay and answer their questions.. I have plenty that have went unanswered so I guess they can keep guessing too.
When the flashbacks start again. When they pull and tug at Your heart. Tears still slide when these thoughts return even though you just wish they’d disappear. Disapproval from life itself still Taunts you all the time but you’d just wish it would Give up before you do. That’s why it repeats. It wants to let you know it wants you gone. Gone. Gone. Wanting to get better. Wanting to break free but you can’t. Can’t. Can’t. Slowly heading south again and seeing all the beautiful cracks smile goodbye. Allowing yourself to fall. Fall. Fall. All your cares let go. Go. Go. Your life passing you and you don’t even have the strength to care.
Do you see how broken I am now? How lonely.., lost.., and terrified I am? Can you see the pain in my eyes now? The cracks and scratches? Tell me.. Do you understand now? Do you care now? Do you regret your hurtful words now? Do you regret your doubts now? I was scared and I just wanted you to be there I just wanted you to care and understand and you doubted me.. Humiliated me.. Mocked me.. the scars are here and they cant be erased. So thanks. For making this bigger than it really was.. And thanks for putting me through all this.. And thanks for making life unbearable.. And thanks.. For walking away.. Leaving me to suffer alone in the shadow of myself. Thanks.
When you have no where to run.. No one to talk to.. No place to hide. When it feels like the pain is always on repeat. When there’s always a rainy cloud hovering over your head. Nobody understands me so I start to pretend like I’m better like I’m happy. My body is numb and scarred. I want someone to save me and take me away.. Far away. Death himself maybe? I’m miserable and suffering everyday. This isn’t how life is suppose to be. When will the pain stop and the tears run dry..? When exactly is it going to get better? When will it finally be my time?
I feel like ive missed a step on a very steep never ending staircase and unable to stop myself from tumbling down each little step. Going down.. Down.. Down. I see nothing but darkness as each little stair makes it’s own mark on my torn fragile skin.. Warm salty tears kissing my chin goodbye as they splatter on any surface below them. Hoping that I stop soon but both me and the darkness know it isn’t going to happen.. So I’m waiting for my body to become so broken and shattered that my soul has no choice but to leave it. The tears still making the little river path for the followers behind to fall upon something that will hold them tightly.. They’re so lonely that they too want somewhere else to be besides on my cold skin. I’m still tumbling down slowly but surely.. Trying to catch my breath and take each individual blow but the pain is building from being hit over and over in the same spot.. Whincing at the now uncontrollable pain.. Ready to let go when my body tells me to.. When I finally realize that this staircase is never going to end..,
When I go to sleep.. I still want death to wrap me up in its arms. When I wake up.. I’m still sad that it hasn’t. I’m just fooling myself with the thoughts of being happy when I know I’m not. Life still seems off track. My tears are yet again full of sadness.. And hatred that I’ve only been placed here to suffer.. For my face to fade out and only plastic replacing it. For my cries to go unheard.. And my pain to go unseen. My mind can’t take this And I’m getting physically tired from this. I want to escape from the hell most call life to something better for me.. I want to go.. Let me go..