On July 26, 2013, I will be sad, depressed, and all kinds of crap will be going on in my mind. Why? That day will mark the 3rd year that I lost my father to suicide.
My father was the most kindest mad you would have ever met. He would give his shirt off his back to a stranger. He use to tell me and my siblings and friends that “there is nothing wrong with being yourself.”
How can a man with such a big heart want to end all of that? And where was I when it happened?
I was about to take my last exam of summer classes when my brother called me. I didn’t want to answer it because I was about to go take a test. So I ignored it. It then rang again. My brother usually never calls me, so I answered it thinking that it must have been important or something. And to this day I will never forget what he told me.
He told me that our dad was dead. So many thoughts were going through my mind. Like “why,how,what was he thinking?”
Being at the university, I had to drive an hour to make it back home to where I found my mother and siblings out in the yard crying and holding one another. I got out and joined them. Never have I ever cried so much in my life.
My family was staying at our beach house for the summer and my father was back home because of work. If my family was there, or if he was with us at the beach would he had still tried to kill himself? Would one of us tried to have stopped him.
Not only do I get depressed because my father is dead, but I’m also depressed because of the way he killed himself.
I get so mad at time. At him, at myself, and at my family. Because of him killing himself, I dont like to be around my family anymore. I rarely talk to them on the phone. I find my self feeling guilty about him killing himself. I now have mood swings to where I’m mean and dont even want to hang out with my best friends or even have a social life in that matter. I’m even having a hard time trusting people and becoming friends with new people. Why? Because I’m scared that If I get too close to someone, they are just going to leave me again.
Well thats my story. I needed to tell someone so thank you for listing.