Today is the Saturday before Christmas and I should be excited about this time of year. Nothing can be further from the truth. I currently have the Perfect Storm going on in my life. My wife hates me and is probably having an affair on me, I have been out of work for 9 months and have used up all my life savings.
I can’t seem to think about anything but how miserable I am. If not for my 3 children, I don’t think I would be here right now to write this letter. I have been married for 13 years and have been a good husband that respects and loves his wife. Recently I found out my wife has a relationship of some sort going on with some guy and she accuses me of smothering her and can’t stand the site of me. She recently moved out and left me with our 3 children (temporarily). As far as my employment situation, I worked for the same company for 16 years and was let go back in March. Since then, I have been trying to find my next life path, however I have failed in finding that fit yet. Being out of work for 9 months takes a big chunk out of your savings and now we are completely broke (besides my wife’s income).
Prior to March, life was pretty good however since then it has gotten progressively worse. I have 3 kids that I adore and that should be more than enough for me to continue. With that said, the only thing that I can think of is getting out of my misery. I have been going to counseling and that helps temporarily, but I always end up back at the same place as it relates to my extreme unhappiness. My Father committed suicide before I was born and I always resented that and said that I would never do such a thing. My Mom remarried and I had an excellend role model to learn from and had a very good childhood with lots of love. Unfortunately today, that is all that I ever think about. I am to the point now where it is not a question of if, but when and how.
My zest for life is completely gone and there is nothing that I enjoy in life anymore. I am miserable from the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep. My wife has become a very nasty woman who seems to care nothing about me or my mental health. For someone that has loved, respected and took on her two oldest children and cared for them as if they were mine, you would think that I would deserve a lot better.
I know there are far worse stories out there and I could receover from everything I have going on, but I feel like a complete failure and am done fighting.
I hope that I am able to overcome these feelings before I do something really stupid and permanent! Please pray for me that I find peace before it it too late.