we are born into this world with other people all around us to delude us into thinking we are not alone, but the truth is, its all an illusion and we are all alone.
Seriously though, I can finally wear short sleeves without the anxiety of having my scars visible to everyone. I swear this is not an advertisement, I’m just trying to help people who have scars feel safe wearing short sleeves like they used to
So I’m almost positive most of you here have watched bleach at one point of your life so here’s some nostalgia cuz this auto played on Youtube for me when I was reading an article.
you wake up every night not knowing if it will be your last, you don’t actually know what your mind will force you to do today or tomorrow. you may cry yourself to sleep wanting to live so badly but your parents are dead, you are unemployed, you have no friends, you have bad self-esteem, you flunk your grades, your wife cheated on you, and your peers make fun of you all the time both online and in real life. you try your best to improve that stuff but it always ends up going wrong, you try for years and years… still nothing. one day you hear something that pushes you to the edge, you go down the basement that same night at 4 am when everyone is asleep, you find a rafter, tie a noose with your shoelaces cuz you don’t have a rope in your house, and you stand up on top of a bucket. you think about your crush in school, “maybe I should’ve told her how I feel. No that would probably make things worse” you think about how unfair life is, how you wish it treated you better. as the last tears stream down your face you put the noose around your neck and kick the bucket with all the rage inside of you. you grasp your final breaths till you pass out, you fall into a beautiful dream where everything is perfect, where society is friendly and not corrupt, where you are inside your school in the hallway where everyone has formed a circle and is cracking jokes and smiling and teasing each other. you see your dead parents face for the first time cuz you never met them in real life. your dead died of a stroke and your mom was killed. you smile and say “this is where I belong” and then you wake up on the basement floor in a pool of blood thinking wtf just happened, as you slowly regain consciousness and remember that you just hanged yourself and notice that the rafter broke while you were hanging. you clean up the mess, hide all the evidence of what you just did, and go up to your room and sleep. Then you wake up the next day saying “what if I tried again.”
that’s it, thank your for your time. in this story I combined another story from reddit, my personal suicide story which you can find on my profile as my first post, and added some stuff people deal with like being an orphan and such. just know that yes, there is someone out there with all those problems I listed combined.
which asshole keeps flagging my posts? I talked about how I attempted suicide with cyanide and suddenly it got removed the next day. WHY? I’m not even violating the rules I’m just sharing my stories
I don’t want people to understand me, I don’t want to have a better life, I don’t want to succeed in life, I don’t want friends, all I want is to die. Is it so hard to understand? no amount of love, happiness, or anti-depressants will stop me from fantasizing about death.
Ive attempted 19 times this year alone. hanging, jumping out of a car, anti-freeze, bleach, water intoxication, wrist slashing you call it ive done it. Did I ever regret it? not at all. I take thousands of dollars worth of anti-depressants and I’ve gone through 3 different therapists over the course of 2 years and I have also been in a psych ward 7 times this year. At first it was because a lot was going on in my life but now its just an obsession and I cant stop attempting. any idea on wtf is going on?
the title says it all. Drink 3-4 gallons of water and your history. or at least that’s what I though would happen. Ive tried this method 4 times and all that happened in those 4 times was both vomiting and lots of trips to the bathroom. The closest ive ever gotten to succeed with this method was the first time I tried it. I got blurry vision and confusion which made me glad because I knew it meant it was working so I drank up even more. I headed to bed and I either fell asleep or was getting in and out of consciousness every few minutes( I’m not sure which one) As for the pain, your stomach will be bloated as hell. It will hurt, not drinking bleach hurt, but extreme stomach ache hurt. Ive heard it also causes cramps. The sad part is somewhere out there there’s a women who drank few liters of water and died. but here I am, A guy chugging a shitload of water and living to tell this story on a suicide page.
whew what a title right? It was around July, I think I was on my either 16th or 17th attempt( currently on 22) So anyhow I was contemplating suicide again(like every other day) I was inside a car with my parents and we were headed to a theater and decided today I will jump out of the car. I was waiting till my parents drive to the highway to jump but then I remembered my mom doesn’t drive in highways out of fear. At this point the car was going 75 kms so I decided it was good enough. Adrenaline rushed through me as I fantasized what was about to happen. I decided I would jump on my legs that way the speed would eat up my legs and my body would go slamming into concreate.At last I opened the door real fast and jumped. To my surprise, I didn’t go slamming into the ground as I expected. I went drifting against the concreate on my back for a few meters and I came to a stop. I checked my clothes and most of the stuff was ripped ( surprisingly my clothes protected me) so did it hurt you may ask? well, it was painless for me due to the adrenaline but for someone else it would be very agonizing. my parents turned yellowish from the whole thing and I went back home with a few cuts red marks. annnnnnd that’s it!
It happened after my 7th attempt, I was desperate and intrigued to Attempt again. My parents suggested we head to the mall, on my way to the car I found something that got me excited. There was a big Anti-freeze container sitting outside In our neighbors doorsteps. Now Ive been researching my crap for 3 years so I knew damn well how dangerous that thing is. The next day after that I told my parents I’m taking walk outside, little did you know I went to grab that antifreeze and dashed as fast I could without getting seen by anyone. I went behind the church and drank a whole pint of anti-freeze. To my surprise, I got drunk few hours later. now this thing can kill you with 12-24 hours. At night I had tons of trips to the bathroom and then I collapsed and woke up in my bed with my parents sitting next to me clueless on what was happening. Turns out my kidneys stopped and I got knocked out. When I woke up I had slurred speech, drooling, staggering, and was vomiting blood( all of which are symptoms of ethylene glycol poisoning) my parents were concerned and I lied and said I drank lots of beer at once and they believed the story since all the harsh cleaners and poisons in our house are hidden. 12 hours past and I was still not dead, it was in about that time that I was taken to the hospital because my parents saw that I was still staggering so it couldn’t be beer. I stayed in the hospital for a week and made a full recovery( believe it or not I walked away with no kidney damage) and then I was taken to a psych ward. So basically all in all we didn’t do shit at the end. And this ladies is gentlemen, is how to not kill yourself!
It was a dark night, April 14th 2017. I was having problems with stress, anxiety, and rejections. On that night I woke up 4 in the morning and decided I’m gonna die today. I went down to the basement, hanged a noose in one of the rafters. then I kicked the chair, gasping for air. It would’ve been 5 seconds till I passed out, completely painless. From there, I fell into a beautiful dream where I was in school with actual friends beside me(I have no friends in real life) we were talking and laughing all over. My crush started a conversation with me in that dream( she harshly rejected me in real life) it was a fun experience. Then all of the sudden, I woke up and found myself in a pool of blood on the floor in the basement. It took a while but I started to realize I was unconscious for a few minutes. I staggered to the mirror as blood was dripping down from my head. In the mirror I saw a horrifying scene. 2 of my front teeth were knocked out and my nose was broken and bleeding. I woke my parents and told them what happened, both of them turned pale white as they saw what has happened to my face. Ambulance was called and I went to the hospital for 2 weeks. To this day, I can never forget that day.