I am turned by the silence of an unanswered question. Dismayed by the lack of forethought, the utter obviousness of this heedless society lost in their own self-righteousness.
Dying inside I find I’ve been forever asleep numb from the cuts. Icy darkness has consumed all that has ever been real to me, all that will ever be. A single thought of hope will just drowned me further into this,.. My own abyss of loneliness.
Dpt59kasd
I spin in the cold cold darkness. Taken aback by my own remorse.
Crushed under the weight of my own self doubt I know nothing of what could ever be.
Anything that has ever been has all but escaped me and all that is; is so surreal it’s lost all it’s reality too me. Betrayed by even my own hope I’m left laying here with but a remembrance of it,… fleeing for a sense of self worthlessness. This vile remembrance of […]
I hate going to bed regretting everything I’ve said to others through the the day. ( I’m a pariah and im sure every word makes people roll their eyes) I hate waking up in the morning and the only thing on my mind is ways to die. I hate this sense of obligation keeping me here because it’s too late to replace me on my work trip, so I have to suck it up for another 7 months. (The funny thing is that if anyone knew they wouldn’t let me go) most of all i just hate myself,… no one else likes me but they […]
Wrapped in disillusions of discontent, I lay in a state of half slumber, a state of misconceived realities that may very well be more real than the life I’ve held so dear. Fade away to nothing and you may know how it is to be me, to be invisible. Cut yourself deeply and you will know how it is to feel as I do,.. Bleeding from wounds that can not be seen. Torturously I find myself sunken into my own shallow pit of despair, unable to climb out for you have given me the tools to shackled myself, held down by a feeling of self […]
This thread isn’t to share methods or doses or recommendations. I’m only posting what I day dream about. Although if and when I do it I won’t be this elaborate,…..
Scenario 1: spend the time and money to get a Comercial sky divers license and go to dubai where they have a trendy place to base jump (video on YouTube) and jump with a chute but take the harness off in mid air.
Scenario 2: this is borrowed from the movie “four feathers”, travel to a shit hole country like Iran, Syria ect and find insurgents to kill untill they hunt me down and I go out […]
The physician i work for asked me why am i here today (when i tried to present a patient to him),… not in a what are you doing manner, but a very annoyed why do i have to see your face kinda way. I know people dont like me and i try to minimize my contact with people but this is a new low even for me. I carry a gun in my car with me every day,…. it would be very easy to drive until i run out of gas and walk until im exhausted then check out.
Never dull forever sharp;
Never drab or dreary but always dark.
Never watchful but wanton still;
Never cutting,… always swallowing these pills.
Never vengeful very remised;
Although I hate you, you’ll always be missed.
Ordinary people seem not to realize that those who really apply themselves in the right way to philosophy are directly and of their own accord preparing themselves for dying and death. If this is true, and they have actually been looking forward to death all their lives, it would of course be absurd to be troubled when the thing comes for which they have so long been preparing and looking forward. —SOCRATES, PHAEDO
In an effort to break the cycle of depressive / suicidal thoughts I’ve been doing a lot of reflection. What I’ve come up with is that I’m “that guy” I’m 34, divorced twice both women were my only friend but we never really got along. I try very hard to show interest in other people’s lives, even go hunting or go to a party and try to make friends with co-workers but after once or twice I just don’t get invited and everyone seems busy. I conclude these two things,….
1: some people are naturally charismatic, I’m at the opposite end of that spectrum
2: […]
I wont bother ranting about how bad my life is, or how bad my childood was. Its the same story over and over here. Im sure my little world is no better or worse than any other.
What i would like to post about is the post a just read about a mask, someone asking if you are ok,… “im fine”
The only person i have told that i may kill myself i was married to for 5 years and we are going through a divorce. I told her i think about coming to the house and doing it in front of her. I said […]