what to even say. i’m waiting on medical equipment that helps me sleep, this is the longest i’ve gone without it in 11 years. everything is just worse. i feel awful. physically uncomfortable, emotionally stagnant and lonely. unlovable and monstrous. anxious and depressed. paranoid and volatile. my brain keeps trying to sabotage the good things that are happening in my life, namely my days with my girlfriend, and my upcoming trip to see her. she loves me, and does her best to make me feel loved, but my brain has been trying to convince me that she doesn’t like me really- and i feel so fucking hopeless.
i know the only way out of this world.
but i want most of all to make a life with my love. it’s just a particularly bad patch of brain weather i need to get past right now.
i just want to be overseas already.