Talking to a crisis hotline today did not help me with the issues im facing. Ive had never ending traumatic events happen to me every month ever since last august and every1 has been involved. Human services, cps, behavioral services and now the cops. Im being accused of something i didnt do because my dad is out for revenge ever since i got him arrested for sexually assaulting my son. So hes been determined to ruin my life, hes already taken everything away from me, and made me and my kids homeless. But it wasnt enough for him. Now hes accussing me of ordering a […]
elleInWi
elleInWi
Single mom of 3 kids whose never had anything good happen to her and whose battled her demons with a fake smile for long enough
so i met up with this caseworker for a 2nd time now n scheduled a 3rd meeting. Still answered questions n signed papers cuz i have to do these 3 meetings before i actually get an appt to see a therapist n psychiatrist. They sent out record requests to the hospitals i was in but since alot of my hospital stays were 20yrs ago, the records at rogers were no longer available. Fingers crossed they get the 1s from winnebago so they can atleast get alil insight and find out what my last diagnosis was.
But yea it was nice talkin to her for 2hrs again […]
Some days are harder than most. And on my hard days, that tough love bs of the “the world doesnt revolve around u Ellen, life keeps going and u need to keep moving on” is def not what some1 like me needs. In fact that makes me angry an want to burn my bridge with u.
Just got back from behavioral services because human services referred me to see someone. I havent seen a therapist/psychiatrist since i was court ordered after bein in winnebago mental health institute for 1yr back when i was 18/19yrsold. Not gonna lie, itll be nice to have someone help me with my paranoia. She went through all her questions and i relieved alot of my past suicide attempts, my self injuries, my hospital stays. The tragedies that made me who i am today. She also assured me the docs there are super great and dont just dismiss people as if theyre incurable. So im actually optimistic […]
When i was hospitalized over 20yrs ago fiona apple seemed to be my go to music to listen to.
My relationship didnt work out cuz i completely shut down and went ghost. I cant handle havin anyone like me back, but my dumbass will be like months from now “why dont men like me?” Because thats just the demented vicious cycle i seem to be trapped in no matter how much i try to break it. But whatever.
Me and my kids spent mothers day at milwaukee zoo. Was a great day, i luv animals so much and always wanted to work in a zoo or be a marine biologist. Being busy made me feel like our life was “normal” again. Reality didnt set in […]
I seem to be on a never ending alienate spree towards my friends. I keep reminding myself to stop unloading my emotional drama baggage in their inboxes but i cant seem to stop myself. Almost like 1 of those social vampires and then like a dumbass i wonder why no1 will talk to me. Like dammit just stop it, stop what you are doing, you are killing them (not literally). But a part of me is on autopilot and is like well since we are at rock bottom lets just keep going til we see hell. I just feel so sorry for any1 who tries […]
Whenever i attempt a relationship, i sabotage myself n assume he can do better and get someone skinnier and prettier than me. So now hes pissed off and is going to bed because i kept tryin to push him away. For some reason i feel like people are “settling” when they try to choose me. Because numerous exs in the past always saw me as a rest stop on their way to somethin better. And my inner self doesnt want to be treated like that ever again. Kinda why ive been single since 2011. I feel like being alone is better for me because it […]
Still homeless with my kids goin on 4months now. But an ex of mine offered us a place to live. So im going to take him up on that offer considering i cant afford anything on my own and he has a great payin job. My depression comes n goes. I havent burned myself since feb nor considered offing myself so id say thats progress. Idk what else to say other than im alive and persevering.
And again some guy always has to ruin my way of venting and freedom of speech. Constantly bein shunned by men my whole fkn life and its like who tf asked u? I never said they could talk to me. They never think that sometimes women dont need that “tough love” bs in their life. But thanks again for thinkin i needed your 2 cents. Im done venting on here, not even gonna bother comin back. Just keep my life to myself and continue being bitter towards every1. Yall basically stab me in the back n ask why im bleeding anyways. So yea this site […]
Wish everytime i took a step forward, i didnt get knocked back 3. Life has been kicking my a** for over 3 decades and i just cant seem to get it to back off and let me be happy or just let good things happen.
Even the shelter “therapist” told me today that normal people do have bad things happen to them but that I seem to get hit alot more than most normal people and that she feels bad for me. So even my downfall baffles people n stresses em out cuz they know theres no loop hole for me to escape these intense hits […]
My insomnia kicked in mid sleep. How the heck does that manage to happen?! My brain must be battling with some procrastination or somethin. Like eh lets wait til she gets up to use the bathroom at 3am and then hit her with the wide awake. Wish i had a hot cup of coffee. 1 thing i hate about living in shelters or cheap hotels, never any fkn coffee!!! Went from a full pot of bold coffee every morning to zero. The small things in life is what i really miss. Like my coffee n vanilla creamer, butter, a toaster and a car lol it […]