EmptyGlass

(Sry if it’s long)
I seriously have no idea what to do. I’m a huge procrastinator when it comes to homework, but I usually get a grip and get it done at some point. Tonight is different. I have a ton of stuff to do and i don’t feel like doing it at all. The stress of all of my classes is literally making me cry, but I can’t drop them or go into lower ones because my parents won’t let me and I have plans to go to college. At least I thought I did, but lately I just want to quit school. I’m sick of everything about it, and I don’t learn anything important. I care about my grades (straight A’s) and want to succeed but idk if I can at this point. I have no idea what to do (like I said earlier) and the teachers aren’t helpful when it comes to extending due dates. Should I just give up? Please reply with some advice, I’ve considered suicide this is getting so bad. I feel stuck and worthless, with no hope of getting better. I’ve just recently gotten over my depression, but this is making it come back.

Well I did it. I made my parents cry again. This has been happening a lot recently. Tonight it was a math problem. I know, don’t say anything, I know. I was trying to complete a math ws, of course I didn’t understand any of it, so I go downstairs to ask for help. My dad begins to explain something in a way that I didn’t comprehend well, and I went off. Anxiety and depression took over, causing me to have a severe breakdown and run to the bathroom to cry. I’ve been in here for an hour now listening to my parents cry and talk about me. I just can’t stop hurting people, and it’s hurting myself. I’m not planning on suicide, because I know I would cause everyone too much of my unbearable pain; however, I don’t know how much longer I can sacrifice my own happiness in order to prolong it in others. :—

I am slowly falling apart, having peices of my life ripped out of my hands and showed into an inaccessible part of me. There are times where I feel sad. There are times where I feel lonely. There are times where I feel empty….the list goes on and on. I’ve tried to drop subtle hints to my parents that I’m not ok, but they just don’t get it. They don’t understand that I feel physical pain when they yell at me. That I feel like a waste of space and a complete mistake when they talk about me behind my back. They don’t understand that I feel like I am hurting them. When this happens, it causes me to become emotional which usually ends in a complete sob session in my bedroom. My bedroom is the only place I feel safe, so I usually lock the door so I can enjoy some alone time. Today my mom yelled at me to unlock the door and let her in so she could “talk to me.” I told her I want to be alone, that I need time to think. “That’s bullshit” she yelled “let me in before I ground you for a year.” I sighed, and slowly opened the door. My mom told me if I lock my door again she’ll take the lock out. I just feel awful, and I’m currently sitting on my bed wishing I could die. I feel lost. No one understands me or pays attention to any clues of depression I drop towards them. My anxiety makes it even worse, but of course, my friends and family don’t believe in mental illnesses. Big whoop. Friends? Who am I kidding? My “friends” are just a small group of 2 or 3 people who somehow tolerate all of my problems. Most of my school hates me. I’ve never had a boyfriend, although I do have a crush on one guy who probably doesn’t even know I exist. Does anyone even care about me anymore???? I am so sorry, I just realized how long this is. Yep, I just wanted to write a simple paragraph and ended up basically giving you my life story. Wow, I really do mess everything up.