Who did this shit in the new layout of the page suicide project???
Hearts below posts telling about depression and suicide?
Why do such a shit??? Are you crazy??
I’ve been to other places
I’ve talked to other people.
Everywhere but here
I have to pretend I have plans, hope and joy of living
So, again I ended up here:
A place I don’t need to lie and be someone I’m not.
Here I can be dark&tired of living for IDK what.
I’ve been to a lot of different apps, sites and internet chats lately but none is as good as this one.
IDK why, but the most interesting, intelligent people are here. Pity the most unstable, crazy ones are here too.
And may be this combination is what makes it works so well.
The only people I dont like here are the liars, the cheatters, the guys who hit on you, the ones who come here to spend time making up stories.
This week I’m restarting my activities after a long dark bad period of turbulence.
The sensation is that I’m cheating myself. It’s mechanical.
I’m starting everything again but I don’t believe in life anymore. I don’t believe in anything or anyone.
I was doing physical exercises and felt better but I keep asking myself why I’m doing that.
What is the value of all this?
Where all this will lead me to?
And besides that I’m always alone. That sucks!
I’m tired of pretending I’m interested in living, in things, in courses, in work, in people. The truth is I’ve cared for nothing in the past 10 years.
I havent commit suicide till now and I feel no wish to keep cheating me that there’s something to live for or someone to live for.
Everyone gets fed up of me. And I think everyone is false, boring and hypocrite.
I wonder why I keep alive. Delay my suicide only makes things worse because when I get too old it’ll be more difficult.
And this I wrote I’ve thought millions of times in the last ten years. I’m tired of doing so much efforts and end up here again.
I’m fed up of everything. Just wanna sleep. Tired of life, no hope in people anymore.
I’m full of work to do. Trying to gather courage and energy to start doing it in about one hour.
WTF! Be brave for what?
I couldn’t follow the profession I wanted. No other interests me.
My boyfriend probably is cheating on me. I wanna spank that bastard till death if it’s true.
I haven’t been happy with my life for the last 10 years.
My health is really bad.
I’m suicidal but don’t commit suicide. (What a coward!)
I don’t expect things will improve miraculously.
I’m pissed off.
We are all here because of the vanity of our parents:
“I wanna a child to teach her/him what I know best and that will make him have a good life”
“I wanna children to be my legacy”
“I’ll make my son achieve all I couldn’t”
“I’ll make my daughter a princess who will get all love I could not”
But along the path parents notice they are weak and can’t fullfill their expectations and promises, hopes that came from their ego and not from reality.
Several abandon their children to their own luck. Others insist and end up doing terrible mistakes. Very few do a good parent’s job accepting a child is who it is and not a xerox of their parents or obliged to accomplish their expectations.
And most parents are ashamed, unhappy for we had become only this we could become: losers like themselves.
The narcisistic vanity of the parents…trying to make life what it isn’t and pretending they can control life and the world when deep down they know they were trying to scape from life too through this speech of “I wanna a child”.
I just saw a video at youtube about elderly people who die alone after have lived in deep loneliness for decades. The number of this kind of life is increasing in Japan and I suppose everywhere.
They are found dead because neighbours feel the bad smell and call the police. No member of family shows up not even for burial. A company cleans the apartment where the deceased lived and it’s always full os insects, rotten food and slurry.
If I dont commit suicide that’s exactly the way I’m going to die. If I commit suicide that’s the exactly way I’m going to die. All by myself.
My family doesn’t give a shit to me and I have no friends. My boyfriend lives in another country and I used to believe we would get married but IDK anymore. He was my hope to have someone worthy and affectionate next to me till die.
Life is this? Fight everyday to die like this? And live this unhappy life till die?
I wanted sth special, different, good. Not that.
I’m not excited neither with life nor death.
And I woke up again to start another day.
What a big shit!
More 24 hours pretending I wanna do this, I wanna do that, pretending I like life to avoid questions.
Smile. Buy things. Work. Pay bills, Be happy!
Fuck the System. Life sucks. I hate my life.
I hate my life !!!!!!!
I dont know how to get over my depression anymore so I read on google, wikihow more specifically, what to do. In a nutshell, it said you should keep yourself busy most of the time.
I came back to sports and reading. It seems it’s working…let’s see in a week…
But suicide is always the biggest temptation and my best friend…I wouldn’t need never again have to create solutions for sth I know has no solution at all…
I’ve had depression for 20 years. Nothing cures this shit.
I can say, for sure, my life didn’t take off. In fact it’s a shit I’m trying to decorate as a teddy bear but it keeps a shit under the disguise…
Why insist on it? It seems sooo stupid!
After 2 days totally suicidal, dragging myself and sleeping most of the time I feel a bit better, took a shower and cooked my lunch but I need to fight against my depression somehow.
I’m thinking of practising sports and meditate every day bc I dont wanna take antidepressant pills anymore. You get fat and happy as an idiot with pills.
The shit is that I cant take caffeine anymore so I have the sensation I’m never woken up.
Do you know sth that could replace caffeine?
I’m considering take one sleeping pill and also smoke weed tonight. I really need to unplug and sleep many hours…
Would it be dangerous? Or just relaxing?
Today my electricity was cut bc I forgot to pay one bill from last year. My depression is becoming out of control…I really didnt remember this bill wasnt paid. Then I paid it at lunchtime and after 10hours the company reconnected the service. But I spent the day thinking bc I had no internet or tv or radio or mobile battery and it was hard. I’m a mess!
I’ve tried to do sth of my life since December but I cant because my depression is strong again. The idea of study, work, build a career, paint, exercise, etc, comes to my mind and for one day, may be two I do it. Then I isolate myself again and dive into depression and suicidal thoughts for the rest of the week.
IDK how to get out of this vicious circle.
People from my class invited me to do some new cool things and meet new people but at the last moment I give up and keep in my isolation.
IDK if I wanna make friends or more contact with people. Sometimes the idea seduces me but if someone touches or hugs me I wanna cry and I get anguished. I’m isolated and lonely and suicidal for so long that I’m not sure I wanna try sth else with someone else.
My boyfriend is the only person I talk to, but we live in different countries, so is easier for me to deal with this human contact online.
I need to work and do my things but I dont believe in life anymore and most of the time I feel no wish to do nothing bc I think life is pathetic, useless and a bullshit.
IDK if I wanna try to make new friends now that they are showing up again since I got into some new courses.
Last 2 years I made some new friends and all of them did sth realy bad to me. In fact, all my life my friends did sth to harm and cheat me. I never had true friends for a long time. It doesnt last. After the funny times they always harm me and try to take some advantage, financial, sexual, intelectual or emotionally or other and they start liying a lot.
I’m a very intelligent and good person and people read this as a permission to make a fool of me.
Last year the new friends tried to steal my house and my car after had spent months buttering me.
I never invited them home but they approached me at my gate at 10pm when I was arriving home from classes. They wanted my cell phone, that I got out of the car and opened my gate to them, the excuse was that they were worried about me. I started screaming I was being stolen and they quickly jumped into their car. Then I got my car and chased them.
I changed my phone number and went to the police and they never showed up again. All their concerned quickly vanished!
Another friend harmed me at College stealing my essays to try to graduate over my hard work studying while she enjoyed life.
And the other friend had a problem in his bank card so he never could share the bill with me but magically his card worked when he was with other friends.
Since all that happened I feel lonely but I dont have courage to try to make new friends and again pass through all disappointement again. The other ancient friends I had were also reavaluated after all that and none was worth a penny after all I discovered, so I left them all.
And I also shut up. I dont tell of my life to nobody. Not anymore.
And I dont have friends anymore or courage to make new ones.
IDK what to do bc I feel ashamed for not having friends and at the same time I think I’m safer alone.
So things came back to normal: I’m depressed, lonely and suicidal again.
But that’s ok. Death is my centre of balance, it’s from where I analize all an evaluate things.
I confess I was lost that short period I was happy and optimistic, I couldn’t find a reason to all that joy and felt ridiculous.
Now I’m back. I feel everything is bulshit and this world and life doesn’t make sense. Now I feel I see real life. Feel happy all the time was an illusion as it was wish to do this and that all the time.
I want nothing, I am nothing, life doesn’t make sense and that’s all. At least it’s realistic and I dont need to feel pathetic.
Yeah, I think people who wake up happy and want to do lots of things are pathetic bc they cant see life is an illusion.