I am crazy in love with this guy, but we havent talked in a while.i have been in love with him since i was like 12 and ive never stopped loving him, i am 19 btw. he is in my mind all day and all night i dont know how to tell him, im afraid that im not good enough for him. im terrified that i might get hurt. but i dont think i could live without him. i dont think ill even stop loving him. no matter what other guys are in my life i cant seem to forget about him. what do i do? do i tell him? im scared but i dont want to be, i want to tell him, i want him to know but im so terrified.
I honestly dont think i will ever be happy! i try so hard to be happy, i really do but i have too many problems. im too stressed and depressed! i dont know how to deal with it anymore. i honestly feel like i have nobody! theres nobody for me to talk to about how i feel, i dont know how to talk to my friends and family about how im feeling so i usually just keep it all bottled up inside. and it has all just gotten too much me! i need someone to talk to, someone that will help and be there for me. but right now i dont have that.
I have this major fear of losing people. i have lost a lot of people in my life, including basically every family member. i have a small group of close friends and im scared that one day i might lose them. they are all i have. we have graduated from high school and we are all doing our own things, some are in college and some are in the armed forces, we dont live near each other any more. we all live in different places because of college and the armed forces and i am terrified that i will lose them! i cant lose them! without my friends i would have no one, since i have no family, they are my family. i cant lose them!!! am i the only that feels this way? i wonder if they fear losing me….
i was so depressed and stressed that i made myself sick. i was in and out of the doctor for 4 years. i was throwing up almost everyday for 4 years. i had an ulcer. i had headaches all day and night. i was so depressed that i became sick. it is a sickness but i did not realize my depression was the reason for my illnesses. i thought i was dying, i thought something was really wrong with me when in reality it was just my mind. it was me making myself sick and in a way i new it. i figured if i was sick enough someone would care. i thought my life would be better if i was sick. i grew more and more depressed, but i couldnt keep putting myself through that. i hated myself so much for so long. i still do but i am working on myself. i am trying. i want to turn my life around. i want to be happy. all i have ever wanted was to be happy and loved. and one day i will. i just have to keep working on loving myself. i have to learn to let people in, to allow other people to love me. i need to learn that it is okay to feel this way sometimes but that i should love myself rather than hate myself. i need to make myself better before this depression takes over my life.
Growing up i had a really rough life. i was never happy, even as a kid. i have thought about killing myself before, many times actually, and i have tried once before but i stopped myself. I try to stay happy but it is really hard for me. i have been through a lot. my family has put me through a lot, my old friends have put me through a lot. i am trying so hard to be happy. i am 18 years old and i feel so broken and destroyed. my family has destroyed me. i break down everyday and i just find it so hard to be happy. i have major body issues. my family has always told me that i am ugly and i am as fat as a cow. they say that i am ugly because i am fat and they have said those types of things my entire life. they said no man would ever want me because i am fat. so i have always been insecure. i am trying to work on my insecurities. i am trying to work on loving myself and my body. i try to look at the mirror and smile but i fear that i am just too destroyed. my family has put me through hell for so many years and i try to stay strong but a person can be strong for so many years before they break down and i feel as though i am just losing it now. i dont want to lose my strength because it has made me a better person. my past has made me who i am today. i am a wonderful person but i am so broken and i do not know how to fix myself. no one seems to understand because no one has been through what i have been through. i try to act like everything is okay and that i am happy but i am not happy at all. i left home recently so i have no family and no money and its hard but it is better than being in that house with those people. i am trying to stay strong, i am hoping for a better future. i am working on having a better, brighter and happier future. i deserve to be happy. i deserve to finally be happy! i will work on becoming happy.
ive always felt ugly. i am fat and ugly. i recently lost a lot of weight. i went from weighing 180lbs to weighing 145lbs but now i weigh 160lbs and i am just so ugly and weak. food is my weakness. i love food but i hate it at the same time. this happens all the time. i lose the weight but then i gain a lot of weight, i dont know why. i hate the way i look. it depresses me, it really really depresses me. i cry about it all the time. my body is a big issue of mine. i just cant seem to be happy because of the way that i look, there are a lot of other reasons why i am so very unhappy but my body issues is my biggest issue. i need to lose weight for the air force and i know i can do it but im scared. i dont want to be fat and ugly and disgusting for the rest of my life. i started to look back at old pictures of myself and i looked terrible. my fat was everywhere, i knew i was big but damn i am huge adn ugly. i had the worst double chin. everyone sees that i am ugly, everyone sees that i am ashamed from it. i have no confidence because of it. i can lose the weight and i will lose the weight but my confidence is at a low right now. i was so depressed from looking at my old pictures that i had to throw up. thats how bad it is, i make myself sick. i am terrible.