Hi. Kinda letting out my frustration at my office’s meeting yesterday. But I feel regret after letting out. Maybe I shouldn’t be honest. Is this feeling normal? I keep overthinking about this. I keep feeling awkward with everyone. Help me please.
I keep wondering am I the trouble one here. I don’t know. I’ve been trying to change myself from time to time but still, it wasn’t enough. I feel lonely even surrounded by people. I cant share my family problems with my friends because I don’t want them to be judgemental. I keep ignoring my problems. I hope that it will somehow be okay. And I can’t seem to get along with my family. I can see my brother sharing his problem with my father every time he’s home from work. But why do I don’t get the same treatment? And when I try to talk, my father would always argue with me – with my opinion and decision. I’m gonna admit that I’m actually a stubborn daughter but I don’t know anymore. And I can’t understand why I keep being sensitive with them – how they react around me and how they talk to me. I keep comparing myself with my brother. I would be crying afterward in my bed or the toilet. I want to be strong. It sucks to be weak. My parents told me before trying to be like my brother – always happy and not the one who always takes anything to his heart. So, I kinda try to change to that – so every time I feel hurt, I would just smiling and act normal. Then, I would cry alone. I don’t know, please help me. I’m getting sick with being emotional. I’ve been doing part-time jobs to reduce my time at home. But any suggestions on how to ignore my negative feelings? I hate this feeling.
Hi. Googling what I feel and suddenly found this blog. This is good. Perhaps it can be my safe place. Been searching for that for a while. I’m 26 y/o this year. In November 2018, I get into a huge fight with my parents and decide to run away from my house. At first, I stay at my friend’s house. But after considering too many things since I’m a female and my friend has a brother, I found a house to rent. So until Aildilfitri 2019, I finally came home. One of the reasons because my father has been calling me since my cousin dies in an accident. After that, CoVid happened. So sometimes I stay at my parents’ house and sometimes I stay at my rental house. Until this year, I decided to stay at my parents’ because they kinda ask me to stay with them and move to our new house. But little did I know, I regret my decision. My father keeps pushing me to get married, when I am single – have no boyfriend and have no interest to get married yet. And my mother – sometimes she would talk and some other times she would ignore me by having silent treatment. This reminds me why I run from my parents before, I want to run from this toxicity. After I finish my study in early January, I get a job in February with my friend’s help. After a few months, I keep coming home late because I work in the accounting department – “closing” time especially. My parents keep thinking that I spend my money with my friends when I am working overtime without being paid since I am a contract worker – trainee. They keep asking me for money which I didn’t give to them. Because I’ve been holding grudges to them – been eating Maggi every single day because I don’t have enough money to spend during my study. And now when I move back to my family, I change. I give them money and treat them to restaurants every month. But somehow I don’t think that’s enough. They keep comparing me. And saying things that hurts me. I can’t even share my problem with them. Every time I talk, they would argue with me – saying things like I’m stupid or I make a wrong decision. Which is sucks because I just need a shoulder to lean on. I don’t know what should I do anymore. I regret moving in. I should just stay there. Perhaps no one gonna understands why I am holding a grudge but yeah, family problem is complicated. I can’t ask anyone to understand since no one in my shoes. But I just want to let it out. Never tell this story to my friend because I don’t want to be claimed as a “anak derhaka” 🙂