I sit looking out the window into the abyss of it all. I cry because I want to die. I don’t want to do this anymore. This is not for me. In this tube I sit alone. Not wanting to interface. Just look out and be disconnected form it all. About as disconnected as I can get. Now, let the plane go down on a remote isolated island. I could only wish. Ya can have this crap. I just want it to stop. As if no more. Man, I’m so twisted. So so f’d up. I hate me.
Ive come to the conclusion that i’m not a human meant to be. Why do I hate me so much. I just wish I’d turn off. No more.
please i beg of you almighty father…please let me die.
I cant do this anymore.
I feel I’m an terrible person…..and I do things all wrong all the time. Even breathing is wrong. I hate all of this. Being lambasted for closing the curtains. Wanting to shut out everyone and everything is apparently not a good thing but seems like my solace. My heads a whirlwind of chaos sabotaging everything about me, inside of me, around me. I’m really in awe of myself for being a complete wacko. Guess an A+ grade batman. But in all of this crap…..I’m stuck in this flaming ball of fart gas with all you other people. Well crap anyhow. Close the curtains….now the lights. I could only wish. I’m so tired of this. What would it be like to have this be no more…lights out…. Poof…..aw crap, another flaming ball of fart gas. Does this ever end….its like a reverberating demeaning curse. Everyday the same bullshit.