I really loved you. I actually cared about you. I’m sorry that that wasn’t enough. I’m sorry that I didn’t know that less was more. I’m glad you’re happy. Finally. You deserve it. I wish we talked more. I miss you like crazy. You were the best person to me. Even when shit got broken towards the end you were still more of a friend to me than the people I call friends now. You meant more to me. You treated me like a real human being instead of just some rag doll. With you I felt secure and okay and like I actually mattered […]
In Physics recently we learned about electrons and protons (it relates to electricity, which is actually what we’re learning about.) Our teacher showed us a demo and when this thing was touched by a negative charge it opened up, but when it was touched by a positive charge it closed. So that got me thinking:
I’ve noticed in life that when i’m near negative people they tend to talk and express their opinions more. And when i’m near positive people they tend to be quite and shy. Just like in the the demo. Negativity seems to open people up and positivity tends to keep them […]
So I lost another friend, but not because of my sister. Because of more rumors. Someone told her i was spreading rumors about her for a few months now. Which is ridiculous. I did not and have not. But whatever she doesn’t believe me. So i just apologized and i said that id like to fix things and be friends. And she said she’d like to as well, but later. I don’t know if i’ll wait for later. Yeah it was a big loss, but not as big of one as with my (ex) best friend.
I fucked up once again. Oh well. I just […]
It’s that time of year again. Time to make new resolutions and try your very best to stick to them.
This year ,2016, I pledge too:
5.) Make new friends (that my sister can’t take from me)
4.) Lose weight
3.) Try to make many people laugh or have a good day
2.) Try to make the best of every situation
But the most important one of all…
1.) Be Happy! Try To Not Feel Depressed and/or Want To Die!
I wish everyone a safe and fun New Years and I hope everyone has a better year. You all deserve it.
Me and my sister are fraternal twins. So I mean if you have a sibling (even if you’re the same age) of course you’re going to share some things. Over the years I’ve had to share every friend group I’ve had. For the past few years I thought I finally found a friend group that I didn’t have to share. She hated all of them. Until one day she decided “Oh yeah my friends are being assholes, so while you’re in an disagreement with your best friends let me just chill with them.” Okay no, she didn’t say it like that. What she did say […]
Me and the person I thought I could call my best friend. The person that helped me through everything. We are strangers. ( mostly because of your stupid girlfriend. You said nothing could come between us. Look what happened.) I’ve tried to fix things between us, but I got no reply. What else can I do? I’ve tried everything I could. I don’t even know how he feels about our situation. I miss him more than anything. I never thought I’d lose him. But I have. This pain is nothing I’ve ever felt before. I honestly don’t want to go into the new year […]
The title pretty much says it all haha. It was one year since I’ve last cut which was on September 3rd. I wanted to post on the day it was one year, but I honestly forgot because well I was kind of celebrating haha. That day for me didn’t go exactly how I wanted too. The one person that’s helped me stay clean since day one didn’t remember. I had to tell him and that didn’t make me feel really good, but the next day He apologized for not remembering and he hugged me really tight saying how much he loves me and […]
I have come to the conclusion that the three people I thought I’d have forever in my life have decided to no longer have me in theirs. . . No they haven’t officially told me that, but how they act and what they do says it all to me. I’ve asked countless times to hangout with them. They say they’re busy then next thing I know they’re hanging out and posting it all over snapchat without me. I wonder if they even thought about asking me. I message them and they just open them. And I mean it’s other stuff too.
It only hurts me the […]
You can’t just be all sweet and flirty with me and then get a girlfriend that isn’t me! You can’t just use my feelings for someone else against me in a conversation you don’t want to have! You can’t just let me pour my heart and emotions out to you and not message me back! You can’t just talk to me because no one else is awake!
What did I ever do to make you treat me like this? Do you even realize what you do to me makes me question things. Many things. This is going to be a very long year isn’t it? […]
“My advice for self harmers would be that it’s not worth it. Your bodies a temple and you don’t wanna take out on your body just for like an emotion you’re feeling. You know you can like take it out on something like go boxing. Just don’t. You shouldn’t be hurting your own body ever. Never. Like unless it’s an accident, which I do all the time, but don’t ever purposely do that. But if anyone knows anyone dealing with something like that er or even remotely close to that, what I would say is look at the individual. Don’t look at the scars. […]
(NOTE: THIS IS JUST A RANT. DON’T TAKE ANY OF IT PERSONALLY IF YOU DO)
Maybe society really is fucked up.
I mean now it has doctors and therapist telling parents that if their child wants to hurt
themselves to let them. Just to be on stand by just in case. They’re telling parents that it’s their child’s life and they can do anything they want to their bodies. That there’s no way to stop them. Parents can’t force their kids to get help or to let them in.
Maybe society really is fucked up.
It now has girls and boys on social media who […]
Here’s the thing:
I’m not actually afraid of death.
I’m afraid of what comes after. Like where our souls go.
Now if i knew exactly what happened after we died, then I go and jump right in front of a car right this second.
I’d do anything to not exist if I knew.
Here’s the other thing:
If death was sort of like a test run life if I could kill myself and see how everyone would react and see what would happen and then decided whether I actually want to die or not (and if I didn’t want to die I’d wake up in a […]
You fill my stomach with uncontrollable butterflies.
You make my heart pound faster than drums being played in a march.
You are the oxygen in my lungs. The blood in my veins. The smile on my face.
Just the thought of you can make my day.
But my problem is that I want you at such a great extent and
I need to convince myself that I don’t.
I have you already. Yes.
But not in the way I’d also like.
What will it take for me to be the one that you want?
I lie here at night starring up in the dark
trying to sleep, […]
I became 100 days clean from cutting on December 11,2014. I never thought that I’d make it. My best friend helped me get to this special day and he’s helped me stay on the right path. He’s so proud of me.
Today is now December 21,2014 and I am now 110 days clean.
I want people who are having struggles trying to stay clean to know that it’s okay. Anything is possible with the right support and guidance. Set goals for yourself. Believe in yourself.
There will be days when it gets hard and all you want to do is cut. I mean I still want […]
Him. He’s been my best friend for 3 years. Honestly I think he’s my soulmate. Like you don’t have to be dating them to think that. Having a close friend (like him) can also make them your soulmate.
I told him about all ways I’ve hurt my self and we’ve been closer ever since. He’s so understanding about it. He didn’t judge me at all. He wants to help me get better.
I know I’ve hurt him though… I mean who wants to hear that their favorite girl is feeling/doing these things..
I’ve never realized how much he cares about me and how important I am […]