After around 20 years of contemplating suicide and one attempt 15 years ago (when I was 14) I’ve got a plan… but it requires a bit of a wait.
I’ve come to realize how much it would hurt my mother, emotionally and physically, if I were to end it now. She’s 70 and has moved in with me because she can’t do everything that she used to be able to do. Ever since I was born she’s dedicated her all to bringing me up and has said if I were to ever die she would too, of a broken heart. Now the roles are switched and she relies on me for a lot of things.
It filled me with a lot of guilt when she mentioned how it would hurt her but it helped me put my situation into perspective. I just have to outlive her and then I can take care of everything else. If family curses are true, that gives me about a decade…
I know I’ll likely grow to resent this situation but as my username suggests, I’m officially just going through the motions until I can finally be free. In the meantime I plan on posting here to tell my story, if only for myself.