I used to look at my personality as a curse. I never could bring myself to do it, and I hated that I was incapable of it. I hated that I couldn’t lie worth a damn, and kept revealing my feelings to the people I love. And that I had a single wish, to make a book that spoke of all of these feelings I had and transformed it into a positive, a strength. I wanted to let others feel hope in that darkest time, and even if its a bit conceited, its what I wanted. Its still what I want, even though I used […]
i’ve written the below all out trying to vent my feelings out in a more positive way. its helped a bit, but i still feel raw. i’m not expecting anyone to respond, i just know putting this out here to people who may listen might help me get back to a somewhat level head.
Exhaustion. Drained, whatever you call it. I don’;t care anymore. ‘Blood is pounding in my head and it just keeps going. im tired. nothing changes. i do something, only to be set back to square one because of my own failure. its not pessimism, its realism. the reality i’ve been […]
All I wanted was to write this book. I want to help others, but the more I chase it, the more things get in the way or put me down. I share pieces of it for feedback, only to have incoherent disgust thrown at me. I can’t work a job long before I have to quit because I don’t have the energy to work in two places at once. I disappoint my family every second I do this stupid shit, and now all I’m left with is this passion that is slowly dimming out with the impossible odds. I know that without fulfilling that, I’m […]