Everyone has a Celebrity Crush supposedly. I remember as a kid my first ever crush was Jessica Biel. I used to race home from school on certain days to watch ‘7th Heaven’. Oh no, most certainly not for the Christian values, but for the beautiful Jessica Biel! I remember one mid afternoon my dad had walked into the living room unexpectedly and I flipped the channel nervously as if I was watching porn. Really, I just didn’t want him catching me watching 7th Heaven! A couple years later Jessica Biel left the show and I no longer had a reason to watch until I heard she was gonna be in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie. I remember being pretty psyched for that movie because I grew up watching those movies plus my lady Jessica was the star, lol. Eventually “out of sight out of mind”, I fell out teenage love with Biel, and eventually was introduced to Evanessence. Amy Lee has been my Celebrity Crush since like the early 2000’s. Not because I think she’s hot but I always thought she was sweet and badass lol. Sweetness and badassery has always outweighed the Hotness factor for me. Plus I was a little Jelly when Jessica married that loser Justin Timberlake lol
(Note: This was actually a post I made to another forum i’m apart of. I felt like Suicide Project could use somewhat of a ligther post, since the last few have been pretty dark.
I have about a week and a half of posting left before I leave Suicide Project. I hope some of you take heed and take up the role as light bringer in the long run.
I’m a personal believer in “nothing last forever”, and all things are only temporary,. like me being here.
No i’m not killing myself. I think life will do that for me in the long run no matter what, so why cut it short? A relationship/ woman will never bring me to a point to take my own life. It has to be something BIG. Something that really backs me into a corner. Depression and anxiety? I’ve battled those demons since I was about 14, and i’m still here a lifetime later.. I’m not immune to those diseases, but i’ve already decided that they need to kill me with cancer before I ever “kill myself”.
I think if ever I wanted to die, i’d suit up, break some bad guy bones, save a few people and die in the field before I ever take my own life. I don’t think suicide is “the cowards way out”. I just think it would be the cowards way out for ME personally.
Too many suicide deaths in my family. I can’t allow myself to ever be that. I need meaning behind my death.
Not that i’m always dwelling on death,. But I do dwell on legacy a lot.
People often tell me. Children are the secret to a happy life.
Truth be told.. I fucking scared shitless to ever have kids of my own. I’m much to afraid of never feeling “normal” before I ever have kiddos of my own. What if i’m sick in the mind and I just am balancing on that fine line of crazy? I can never allow myself to have a child while I still think this way.
I think i’m responsible enough not to want a child. But depressed enough to want something more than just living with my girlfriend. I’m conflicted. Do I talk to someone and “create”, or do I jus follow my instincts that i’m just not meant to be a Dad?
(Sorry, not your typical Suicide Project post, but I can’t help but want to freely speak my mind to someone. Even if nobody reads it.. someone will read it.)
My mindless rambles tend to carry on and on. Sorry about that. Thanks for listening if you’ve got this far. Peace and love.