I mean, what is there to expect anymore? What is there to hope about? Love, family and friendship have died long ago. Money also I don’t have.
Life is a balance between relationships and money, right? You see very wealthy people and they claim they are lonely, mature successful people who are unmarried and childless, etc, the people who say that money can’t buy happiness. Yes you don’t have happiness, but you have money.
And on the other hand you see a homeless person, or a generally poor person, with 5 kids or whatever, with family warmth. Sure they do struggle to pay the bills but they have friends/family who are willing to (probably) take a bullet for them. They are broke and sick but their spouses stick by their side. Sure you are broke, but you have friends and family.
What is there to look for in life if you have none. No friends and family. No one to love and be loved. I have lost all my money in the stock market, attempted to recover and then started a business, lost again. My life is a constant struggle of failure, failure and failure. I move forward 1 step to fall further backwards 5 steps. I don’t want to return back to live with my mom (like all failures do) but I can’t afford my own place. With the little money from freelance jobs I make right now I may still be able to get by living in a dog-house-like apartment perhaps.
There’s no single day that don’t go by that I don’t wish I have cancer. There is nothing to look for in life. Nothing at all. I wish I had died back then. I regret choosing life. I should have just ended it all when I was young and emotional.