This is a question for you to answer.
Tonight I have left my hell behind. I am no longer suicidal for years anyway. My body is alive again. Yes, there is a way out of hell. And I want to celebrate with you as this is the only place on the internet I truly know.
Years ago, in my distant country from Eastern Europe, on New Year’s Eve, I pretended I went to a party with my friends(I had no friends at the time). I simply stayed outdoors for 3-4 hours in the cold and looked at others how they celebrate and fireworks. Then I returned home and I told everyone that I went to a party and met some high school colleagues. I had only a dog as company who decided to run after me and give me some consolation.
Anyway, even then I felt peaceful and I knew that life is not impossible. I didn’t cry. I only felt lots of self-shame. Years after, I would struggle in the hell of suicide, just like you.
Tonight I am leaving my hell behind but not this website(don’t worry, I am still sane when I take this decision). Now I really think you are more normal than other people. haha, celebrate.
If you wonder who is the character from the video game above, he is Murphy from Supaplex.
I told you something like “I don’t give a shit for women’s rapes and I don’t like gays in general “. Someone told me that you are actually a woman who has been raped and not a homosexual male as I thought. So, it seems that as Americans say, I messed up!
I apologize from my heart.
I said that because I was hurt myself by women’ cruelty in life(although men were more times much worse).
I also said because I think there are worse things in life than female rapes like poverty, mental illness, murder, suicide, pedophilia and rape is usually overrated in our societies although I admit that what happened to you is very serious and it’s not less painful than what I mentioned above. I admit that rape is a serious crime which leads many women to despair and disaster. I am also against pornography which puts lots of lust in men’s minds. It seems that cheap sex is advertised everywhere.
I am sorry for what happened to you and have only sympathy and compassion. May you find someone in your life who would love and heal all your wounds.
As for mental illness, I have much understanding for you because I have myself been put in psych ward for 2 times in my life after having being involved with New Age practices.
I have also been abused by my cousin for 2-3 times when I was 9-10 years old although I did not take it seriously and I did not become gay or developed any trauma related to this episode of my life. There are far worse things in life.
You need to understand that in my language the term “homosexual” refers only to men and we have a specific term for women. You mentioned many times being “homosexual” and I thought you are a man.
I have never had anything against “homosexual” women but rather compassion and understanding.
I hope you will find someone in your way who will show you what love is.
What can I tell you more… now when you are caught in the pit of suicide?
Rise up. Hope may come to anyone. So, don’t use the Shotgun!
I hadn’t planned to write another post here. No, my life didn’t get worse, it actually got better although I got my own share of disappointments lately.
I have truly recovered much of my life. Perhaps you wonder why I do still stay here if everything is so much better?
The thing is that although there are GOOD people in this world, I still couldn’t really find them, get closer to them. As a matter of fact, I find you (as suicidal, miserable and complaining as you are) much better than the so called “normal” people of our societies.
Take for the example the average Joe. He has a job, perhaps a good one. He pursues money his whole life. He goes to some party where he meets his meaningless friends. He doesn’t have time for less unfortunate people although he gives once in a year some money to some beggar on the street for good luck in life.
He doesn’t have a religion or philosophy or at least some ideal because these days it’s cool to be materialist, care only for money and buy stuff and rather believe in nothing or even if he has a religion, philosophy or some ideal, he goes to the church once in a week, or once in a month or once in year where he gets to meet other “religious” people all pretending that they care for higher things. If he has a philosophy, it’s usually after mixing many philosophy books, going nowhere and really believing in nothing after all.
If he has some ideals, they are relative.
He leads a relative good life until he meets disaster. If he is lucky he goes back to his previous life, if not… you know where he arrives.
Statistics show that these days despite “material progress” suicide rates have increased.
For example, the average person (the average Joe) who believes in nothing, has no ideal, if he looses his job and income, he is NOTHING. He no longer can survive like our ancestors.
If he looses his sanity, he is NOTHING.
I still choose to come here on this website because at least here people are more real. You know… you have conversations about life’s problems. You are not afraid to name these problems, no matter how horrible they are.
“Normal people” tend to avoid talking about really DEEP problems, about really DEEP suffering.
They are content to turn on the news, watch some disasters, talk about them, sometimes be content they are in a better position than those unfortunate ones.
Most other forums on the internet are filled with superficial people, talking nonsense, trying to achieve something in life but most of the times failing and then envying others. Even the good forums and places are infested. In the last time, there are more and more, actually there are legions of New Age websites, which talk nonsense(the ascension of planet earth…, DNA awakening, aliens, angelic guides, conspiracy theories) and infest the internet leading thousands of people to mental illness and in the best case to a so called “positive attitude” of silly expectation where they stop caring for others, the unfortunate ones, deemed to be too “negative”.
Old fashioned religious people try to teach and preach lessons on the other hand and are afraid that the new age communities will make them loose influence over their congregations.
So, no wonder why you are here on suicide project. This world although sometimes very very beautiful, is more times very, very crazy.
So, now you know why I prefer talking to you and staying here than pretending that I part of “normal” society and that I like “normal people”.
You are much more normal than them 🙂 .
And I forgot to mention pornography, which is everywhere on the internet. Recent studies reveal that actually far from being healthy(as so well meaning “experts” try to teach us) along with masturbation, it’s actually very harmful to the mind and body and even led many times to divorce, social anxiety, lust and obsessive thinking.
Why do you think so much of pornography is for free?
Many people get angry so easily…although they pretend to be normal and have a normal life. They also abuse others with their anger and put fear in them.
So, if you who reads this post manage to be 5 % better than the average person of our societies, you already deserve lots of RESPECT and everything which is beautiful and wonderful in life.
So, although so much progress and wonderful things have happened in my life, I still come here on Suicide Project.
I really like to read your real life stories although many times I feel ashamed of my myself because now I am in a better position.
I read the posts on this website again and I see all of you caught in your personal hell. You all seem to share the same beliefs : the world is meaningless, life after death is unlikely, I cannot change my condition, the world is evil, etc. You feel horrible most of the time. Sometimes you blame yourself, other times you blame others.
You don’t even remember how it feels to feel normal, healthy, hopeful and why not? even happy.
I feel very sorry for you that your mind lives in such a dreadful state. I don’t blame you for being in this condition, at least not very much. I fully realize how hard is life for some people and I fully realize the horror of living for some people. For example, going to the dentist for someone is not a great deal, but for another person it might be hell only because he feels this way, especially if he is poor and lives in a very poor country.
I ache for you and I am afraid that some of you will fall even deeper in hell if you kill your body or remain alive.
The point is that I don’t want to make you remember your condition. I truly care for you and I sincerely hope that some of you will attain “salvation” in the near future. In my philosophy nobody is forever lost.
Anyway, I already realize many of the horrors some people experience like mental illness, poverty, physical suffering, etc.
Yet, I am full of hope. I have hopes even for you even if you have not any hope left. I am no longer so afraid of suffering. I think you can recover your life. Yes, I say this on this website where 99% of time people post hellish things, complain (many times without good reason), are sarcastic, nihilistic, or simply lost all hope of recovery.
I feel sorry for you and I care for you although I realize you are sinners the same way I was a sinner. (I am not a Christian… and I have my reasons for saying that although “sinner” is not a popular word). I use the word sinner because I want to show you that cleansing yourself is a big step in self-transformation.
I was just like you, not so long ago! I lived a miserable life. I had no friends, no good relationships, my mental and physical health was bad, I was even involved in bad spiritual practices which could damage my mind, I had problems with my teeth, I suffered from chronic fatigue, social anxiety, suicidal thoughts, general anxiety.
Yet, I found recovery, I found relief, I found life and I am reborn. I won’t post here about my present state but I will assure you that I feel healthy(at least most of the time and you have no idea in your current state what true health means).
This world is full of illusions and darkness. You are already dead because you feel dead. There is no point in killing your body because you will feel and be even more dead. And trust me, it’s not a pleasant experience. Even your sought annihilation through the killing of the body if it had some reality in it would be the most dreadful experience. You see, nobody wants to be annihilated.
Please, don’t commit suicide. It’s the worst choice you can make. I won’t give you arguments here because there is almost no point to throw some light in this hellish community, which is this website. (sorry for the use of the harsh word “hellish”) and because it’s up to you to find the truth.
It’s up to you to seek your personal recovery. It’s up to you find Truth.
Again, I feel sorry for you and I don’t dare to think that I was better than all you, because some of you had it worse than me in this life.
I simply hope that at least one person on this website, will read and also understand my message.
With this I say to you Goodbye because I may not post another message on this website.
What I want to convey is that a happy and blissful life is possible and there is also great meaning in life.
And a final word for those who may understand: “Don’t let the powers and conditions of Hell prevail”! Don’t let the demon of meaninglessness, boredom, apathy, depression, fear, despair turn you in a lifeless thing.
Don’t be afraid.
I am asking because I know what it means to be very unhealthy. To be lifeless, to have no energy, to enjoy almost nothing.
However, I have succeeded to recover my health. And I feel much better although there is still a long road to go.
I used to enjoy video games in my childhood and I think it’s still possible in my adulthood. It all depends on our energy. If you have good energy you can enjoy anything.
Right now, what I enjoy most is nature.
Recovering your health is life changing.
Would you enjoy things like playing a video game if you recovered your health?
You know, life can be beautiful. There are some of you who had a nice childhood and remember.
What happened to most of us is that life was gradually taken from us. We were also stuck with the aburdity of the world.
I think the worst thing is to loose your hope and … your life force.
I really hope you recover your life and enjoy things again.
I still return here although :
1)I am no longer suicidal and I have not been suicidal in the last 3-4 years
2) I’ve improved a lot my health
3) I am about to improve my finances
4)I have found meaning in life
5) I have also had other achievements and I constantly find others
The thing is dear suicide users of this website our world is crazy or rather empty like hell.
I prefer this website because:
1)the news are terrible all the time and mostly boring or empty
2)95% of websites and forums are souless and people if healthy at all engage in arguments all the time. And I am not talking only about youtube’s comments.
3) I have not real friends left
4) I find you more meaningful even if most of the time you just talk about your pain.
5) Life as an adult although it has many opportunities(for me at least…) it’s still more empty than life in childhood when I enjoyed some very good video games, played outdoors with other kids and we played many games
6)There is no shame in spending time on this website especially that the world is so crazy, empty, full of lies and stupidity.
7)There is still hope and a way out. We are the ones who see clearly the dark side of reality. If we manage to get stronger than others and find a MEANING in existence, we can achieve a interesting and beautiful life.
The world is an illusion and for many a hell but there are also places similar to paradise.
I prefer to live no matter what. It’s up to you to decide.
Anyway, I think you are special and much better than the everyday average human being. So, I still return to this website.
And yes, life without being suicidal is possible.
So, I have managed to improve my life a lot this last year.The last 3 years I have not been suicidal at all. When I joined in september 2015 I had lots of problems. I was in a very bad situation. I won’t describe here my problems right now but it’s enough to say they were worse than the problems of some people here.
I just want to say: Changing your life is possible. Hope exists.
But I don’t want to talk about me. I want to talk about you. As I read your posts, I just had a feeling of hope for many people and I believe that as long as there is life inside someone or a human body, change is possible.
There is hope even in your misery and state of being. Actually, misery is not the proper word. It’s just sadness, sometimes deep or sometimes just a desire for peace expressed through feelings of suicide, a feeling of not being part of this world.
I thought that after improving my life I would not end up again on this website. But I did. This happened because sometimes I feel bored with the “normal” people. I don’t have many friends. So I also spend my time on forums and I talk to people. I partipate in a self development forum and I really improved my life.
But there is something on this website that keeps me coming back. Am I depressed? Do I have subconscious suicidal feelings? The answer is NO.
But trust me, I really feel a feeling of peace when I come here, when I read your stories. In the past I tried to help some people here without much success to my deep regret.
But I say you now again. People, if you can, stick to life. Live no matter how much suffering you feel. Life is much better than death. Don’t get me wrong. I totally know what it means to live a suicidal life: to have abusive parents, no friends, to suffer from anxiety, depression, loss of vitality, to really want to die.
I have already passed through many things people experience here. And I can tell you. There is a way out and it’s not even that difficult.
And yet, life is like a jungle. There are many dangers. But if you can make light in total darkness, you are victorious.
I believe that many of you are incredible. You are special people who deserve love , peace, and having their dreams achieved.
And I believe that what also destroyed us in the past was hatred and sometimes even selfishness.
Again, I tell you. There are ways to improve your life. The internet is huge and full of resources. As I said there is also a real jungle over there but if you want and if you can you will find your own path.
This website gave me hope especially in the past because there were wonderful people here. I still prefer you than most of the “normal” people from this world.
Since I have started to study Chinese philosophy, namely the concept of Ying and Yang and how they work in our bodies, my life has started to improve. I’ve come to know what food works best for my body, what teas are great for me and what is a Yang personality and also Yang deficiency…
I suffered from a sort of chronic fatigue for 9 years and many times a lack of motivation. The good news is that a serious study of your own unique body and what is good for it and a proper regime of supplements, teas and proper food can cure your deficiency. Many of you feel cold inside and this happens also(but of course it’s not the only reason) because of Yang deficiency. (Yang is the warm and “masculine” energy element according to Chinese philosophy).
I have also given up smoking, masturbation, pornography, which was very difficult but worthwhile.
Your body is distressed due to negative thinking, which is a direct result of unbalance in your body.
Before, my hands used to be cold as well as my legs. Now, they have become warmer. Even my eyesight has improved.
If you have enough energy and motivation you can even practice something spiritual such as yoga or even Tai Chi… mixed with some mantras that you can find easily on the internet. It can work miracles…
(It doesn’t matter if the Yoga or Tai Chi postures are not perfect. The important thing is to practice).
You also need to find out what kind of behaviour depletes the energy from your body.
I have not visited the website in the last 6-7 months while my life got better and better despite having so many difficulties. I joined this website in september 2015. I have not contemplated suicide in the last 2 years.
I just wanted to tell you how I feel in the hope that it will uplift you at least a little bit.
I remember things from childhood where everything was more pure and there was more energy in my life.
That happened a long time ago but memories still come to the surface. I think I had a peaceful childhood, not very happy but I had a nice one.
However, between the age of 14 and the age of 25, there was a hell in my life. It means I suffered for about 11 years.
Spirituality was the key for progress in my life. True spirituality not the new age crap you see everywhere on the Internet. I have even developed some sort of psychic powers. I can see other’s people auras and different energy fields. I cannot see spirits nor do I communicate with them but my dreams have become more intense.
I also feel much more alive.
My body feels much better and there is a feeling of peace.
No, I still don’t feel perfect, not even like a normal person. I still have my problems. I still suffer from some degree of social anxiety when I am around certain people. But things have improved a lot. I am no longer depressed.
I see many newcomers on this website and I feel grief when I see that you think in your despair that suicide is the only solution for you.
I still believe that suicide is not the good choice and even a miserable life is better than what suicide brings.
After all, even in a miserable life there is place for surprises, good ones.
And if you gain a degree of peace and welfare you don’t even remember the hell you passed through. I believe that we have all passed through heavens and hells and we don’t even remember how it was.
I had this dream: there were burglars breaking into my house. I try to lock the door, I don’t succeed. I try to call the police but the phone doesn’t work. They enter the house followed by a black cat. As I fought them I realized they were demons. I had power over these demons. Suddenly I realized that the black cat transformed into my cat. There were 3 cats in the bed, all looking like my cat. I realize that there is a demon inside one of the cats. There was something from another dimension in the air and cat made different unearthly and hellish sounds. It freaked me out. As I realize that I am actually fighting a demon, I started to flog the cat with my belt and the cat made hellish screams. A demon was screaming inside the cat. Then I shout: “I bent you and cast you into the fires of hells” then suddenly my belt, as if by magic enveloped the cat, which continued to scream hellish things.
I strongly believe in the reality of demons, partly because of the attacks I have faced myself and partly because of near death experiences, out of body experiences, stories of exorcism, stories of people hearing voices and sensing hellish smells. All of this does happen.
The concept of “demon” has existed during our whole history as humans in every culture. It’ s also inside our collective unconscious.
And I can tell you. Demons are terrible. They are unearthly and therefore inhuman. They only like to torture and suck the energy out of a human being. I suggest you to read Howard Storm’s near death experience.
And I also suggest you not to commit suicide because in your hellish inner state, you can be dragged easily to a hell reality. It’s much better to stay on earth. Trust me. You are humans. I am humans. And I care for you. I love you.
Peace. My next message will be one of hope.
P.S: My dream can look even funny to some of you who will discard it as nonsense. But when you sleep and have a dream everything is real, feels very real and painful. It’s the same with the afterlife realms.
Even a cat in a hell can cause you to freak out because everything is very weird in hell. Weirder than you can imagine. (to give you an idea, imagine crazy possessed dolls, mad clowns and many other things which are not even conceived by the human mind).
Ok. I am not against what you perceive as your last and only option in a cruel world. I know that it brings much comfort and peace this option because I was suicidal myself.
But what makes you believe that this will bring the much desired peace?
I don’t argue against the option because I know very well how hard life can be.
But I see so many people here who embrace suicide, think only about suicide and methods. People here have fantasies about death and it’s very much desired.
Again, I understand all these feelings.
What I don’t understand, how can you be so sure that death will bring an end to your pain.
There are several possibilities and I will put several questions:
1.Are you an atheist who believes that death is the pure end and nothing comes after?
2.Are you someone who believes in the afterlife and hopes the next form of life will be better?
3.You don’t even consider these things. You are so desperate and in so much pain that you see only death as the perfect escape?
4.You are done with life and humanity and you think that death is the perfect solution?
There might be others reasons but cannot conceive them right now. Perhaps you can add another reason here.
When I was suicidal myself, I was 75% the reason 2 and 25% the reason 4.
I still remember. I was walking the alleys of my city, was completely tired of life and thought to myself: What if I did the deed? Perhaps I can escape somehow this life and find a better life somewhere…
I see people everywhere here who embrace suicide who think that they are going to do the best thing in their life.
They ask about methods and see only death and hopelessness around them.
I am no longer suicidal. And my life keeps getting brighter with promises of a great future. For a period of more than one month I hadn’t even entered the website to see the new posts.
But now, in the last weeks I have again started to read posts on the website every day. I don’t feel depressed. Just the opposite. I feel even better.
The reason why I ask you this question is that I seriously start to consider that there is something pathological in me for having this feeling of wanting to see everyday posts from suicidal people who are in great pain. Perhaps I lack enough empathy? I don’t feel sad when I read these posts. I just feel sorry for you and I wish I could help you feel better and drag you out from your inner hells.
On the other hand I have always been attracted to the dark side of reality(without being myself a negative person). I would enjoy reading near death experiences about hell.
But I feel compassion for you(no offense here) and I believe heaven is much better and more interesting than hell.
Why I am so attracted to this website?
I have started to post on other forums where there are the so called “normies”. And I feel good there. But this place is much more interesting for me.
I have never insulted any SP member and I hope and I have never offended anyone.
And guys… I really hope that life is going to change for at least some of you. I wish you an amazing life. Or at least, may you experience some peace in the near future.
To be honest, I don’t understand your pain anymore although my life was miserable too and I was suicidal like you.
It’s in human nature to forget. Anyway, when you will experience heaven(I believe suffering will end for everyone of you) you will forget too. You will forget this bad dream.
Hello everyone. I see you in much pain and wanting to put an end to your lives. Perhaps you believe this will bring you the much desired relief. And I totally understand you. Everyone wants peace.
It is said that angels gather around suicidal people.
Perhaps my words seem meaningless to you but the reason I tell you these things is that I want you to experience at least a bit of the high feelings I experience around high energies.
I want you to be blessed and feel awesome.
Yes, angels are real and there are many people who had encounters with them. Many books have been written about them.
You cannot feel them because you are closed off spiritually. Instead you attract low entities which make you very frustrated and unbalanced in order to have you commit suicide and take all your energy. Your problems are not a result of wrong brain chemistry.
There are psychics who can feel the presence of demons. Also, those who suffer from terrible mental illnesses get to feel them, hear different dreadful voices and are pushed down emotionally by them. Again, this is not wrong brain chemistry and it doesn’t make sense to believe so.
I am open spiritually and I can understand these things. I wish one day you will understand, too.
I wish you become happy and have spiritual and fulfilled life right here on earth.
I posted this video below that I would watch many years ago when I experienced myself great problems. This is only a reminder for you because I believe angels do possess great healing powers. Find out and be at peace.
The universe always creates perfection. There is order everywhere in the universe. Even in the chaos there is a secret order.
What if Earth was a school of growth? What if there were countless realms of light in the universe?
I believe that in order to access those realms, sometimes we need to pass through the earth realm.
My claims are discussed by religion, philosophy and science. You need to find out.
There is always a way out of hell.
Planet Earth has been cut from the light of the Creator by the evil which still exists in our part of the galaxy.
You have been exposed to evil and darkness and partly this why you want to commit suicide.
What if you found light?
My philosophical way of talking might seem strange to you, but in order to see the light you need to switch your mind to things of another nature. We are not here to reproduce, buy material things and then die and who knows where we go.
Try to find meaning in your own life because there is meaning for everyone of you. And even if there wasn’t, the simple joy of living and being a part of the universe is enough.
Study the occult, study science, spirituality, watch the news of the alternative media. Big things are going to happen.
Now I leave you with a question: why there is life in the universe rather than death everywhere? (Scientists cannot explain that).
Hello, I am Hope and I haven’t posted for a while as I was busy to rebuild my life. I hope that this 2 videos will bring you some healing.
How are you people? I see so much negativity here and it’s a sad thing to wish for eternal nothingness.
In Buddhism, this is described as craving for annihilation. Yes, the same way some people crave for eternal life, others crave for annihilation.
Anyway, I chose the first video:Angel Meditation, because this is the first great spiritual video I have seen. It was many years ago and I was still in high school, I was 19 and I had lots of problems.
May it give you at least the same relief it gave me at the time. And I hope you will start your spiritual journey too.
It happened after an afternoon sleep. I felt … I think alive is the word.
I spent 11 years feeling dead… and the last years were the worst ones.
But yesterday something happened. I felt alive for a moment.
Even now when I write this message I feel good. I am also involved in spiritual activities.
I want to feel alive again… I want to feel the cold air of autumn, to feel the landscape.
I started to like art although in the past I never cared about it. Only when I was a child I used to paint.
I like the pictures of Caspar David Friederich, a northern german artist.
Our main suffering is that we don’t feel alive enough. I wish all of you to feel more alive rather than dull and hopeless.
To feel the nature, the trees, the wind, the different objects and in the same time to have a relationship with your feelings and thoughts, your inner being.