Decided on hanging. Hopefully I wont fuck up this time.
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Bought an anesthetic sprey and a needle that is used to draw blood. Took aspirin and warfarin then tied my arm as I saw in a video. I actually put the needle in my arm and blood came out of the tube. So I got up to find something to pour the blood. Then the fcking needle came out of my arm and spilled all over the place. After I cleaned up and got a vase to put blood in, the blood in the needle was clotted so I could not use it again. I thought I was doing it this time…
My confusion from my last attempt is fading away. I am going back to college to see the doctor who will decide if I can continue or not. It is better to die away from home, I dont want my mother to find me. Now I have 2 days to decide how I suicide.
I just cant stand pain. Could not cut myself again. I thought suicide was easy. You have to have a gun or a very high place or pure inert gas, otherwise it is not easy. I was so peaceful when finally decided to suicide. All I needed to do was just to cut a vein in my neck and it would not stop bleeding because of the drugs I took. Neck is the best place because it is close to the hard and unconsciousness settles in pretty early. I just touched the razor and only cut through the fkn skin. Even needles makes me pass […]
When I am feeling low and suicidal, I have an urge to watch violent videos. I do not watch those things when I am functioning normal. When I first realized this, I was afraid that I could do something like that, but I am not a criminal person at all. It is been a couple months that I started to think that may be I need to be violent. I want to suicide thinking my life is worthless, why anybody’s life worth more than mine? I could do anything to deal with this empty feeling of meaninglessness of life. Even if it is against the […]